It's kind of fucked up when you think how 1% of our population owns 95% of our weatlth.

It's no wonder why so many of us try scrape and claw our way out of the gutter. Some of us do it successfully through education, dedication, and hardwork. Many of the "Chosen One" catch a break or two. We're always either at the right place at the right time, or just plain wrong. It's really pretty simple. We get into a survivor mode where we must provide for ourselves and our families. But sometimes the desire to "move on up" like George and Weezy is pushed by a particular value that has become more important in a lot of peoples' minds across the board, regardless of ethnicity, creed, or social class.

We know all about the greed, money, and power that is flexed among the rich. We've all seen "Wallstreet" and "Boiler Room". Rich people are some of the most cutthroat muthafuckas on the planet. The rich want to get richer. They want to fan their feathers out and display their dominance over their domain. Our society promotes that. Our society exudes that. Status is all powerful and omnipotent. Forget what you learned in church. These cats would sell their souls to the devil for higher status.

But it's not just the rich people our our society that are affected. Remember, that's only 1% of our population. This lust for status has trickled down through the middle class and has taken a hold of our poor and impoverished. It gets grimy at the bottom of the barrel. Even at the bottom of the socio-economic ladder, there are people who shit on the next man in order to establish some sort of status-based superiority.

Wanna know the reason why white people seem to laugh at blacks?
Cuz brothers in South Africa slaving to death in diamond mines
Meanwhile, we spendin every penny to overshine
Tell the next nigga he lesser
Cuz he can't afford to buy ice from his oppressor
So now he pullin out nines, tryin to homicide me for mine
Meanwhile, George W. Bush got a war on crime



Ras Kass - "Golden Chyld"

This is a big issue with poor minorities. We shit on each other to feel better about our status. "At least I'm not as poor as him" has been a train of thought that has plagued our poor neighborhoods for years, but has been amplified even more in recent years. It's sad. It's disappointing.

And I'm not immune to it. I've caught myself looking down at the unfortunate. I've looked at my own poor Filipino immigrant and called them "fobs". I've played up the stereotypes of my own people as if I am better than them because of their less American lifestyle. It's all about maintaining your spot and kicking people down so, relatively speaking, you are "better".

That shit really has to stop. We really need to take responsibility for our actions as minorities living in a white society. We shouldn't be hating towards the next man or woman. We need to focus not on our personal status, but on the institutions that are currently in place that predispose us to failure. There is a reason why we make up for so little of that 5% left over from the pie. We need to make changes, not only in our actions, but in our minds.

Status is not the be all end all of life. What the next person thinks about you and your accomplishments are meaningless in the overall scope of your life.

The more you watch it, the funnier it gets..

Footlocker 30% Friends & Family Sale(Starts Tomorrow!!!)

Yeah, it sucks being Canadian, eh Leah?

Grace Under Fire

TaG: first day of work, rocket attack
D0NNIEVEGA: foreal?
D0NNIEVEGA: damn, dude
D0NNIEVEGA: where?
TaG: they were from baghdad
TaG: we were about to leave the barracks for work
TaG: and we heard the bangs
TaG: the guys that have been here said it was regular explosions that EOD do
TaG: but then we heard and felt a loud ass one
TaG: they were like "that's not normal"
TaG: then they all ran back into the building
TaG:found out it was rockets
TaG: and one struck about 100 yards from the hangar i am working at
TaG: my friend got pics of it, so once he puts them on the shared drive, i will send them over
TaG: today there was a controlled explosion that we did on base
TaG: i got a picture of the cloud it produced
D0NNIEVEGA: got damn
TaG: doesn't really bother me at all
TaG: i actually thought it was kinda cool
TaG: maybe cuz it hasn't hit me yet
TaG: not the rocket
TaG: just the feeling

LOL.....hurry home, Chris.

Take it, grab it by the neck, and shake. Step back, take a few breaths, and repeat. Sometimes, it's all gravy. Most times, it's all gravity. And what goes up definitely must come down. Just make sure you aren't under it when it lands.

This isn't Eden. This isn't utopia. And this sure as hell isn't perfect. This is life. Self-preservation is a basic instinct, but what is typical isn't always right. Remember when Sharon Stone uncrossed her legs and your eyes fixated on her crotch? Well, we all did the wrong thing. We should have been looking into Sharon's eyes. You know, the eyes so intense they could melt rocks. But yeah, it doesn't make sense, does it?

It's non-sensical. Without sense. Without logic. The closer I get to examine it, the faster it runs away. After I finally get close enough to take a look, I forget what I was looking at in the first place. Shapeshifting isn't a skill that can be taught. Chameleon's are everywhere. Sometimes you can even find them in the mirror.

Crazy, right?

This stuff is the truth.

It's easy to see how we as minorities are so disadvantaged in this white American society. We are literally the minority, and just like the natural occurrence in nature, there is power in numbers. We are told we are equal. But are we really?

I was watching "Tough Crowd" the other night, and was nearly infuriated with what I saw. Two of the panel members who were black were describing the little hints of racism they experience in their everyday lives. As they were explaining it, Colin Quinn was so quick to dismiss their claims, even pulling out your stereotypical "black" impersonation of a black man making claims of racism. His impersonation even elicited cheers and laughter from an obviously a white crowd. Now, I understand that it is a show on Comedy Central and was done for the hope of being humorous, but if you looked into the eyes of the two black panelists, you can tell that there was something else going on.

I was seriously upset at what was happening. Even considering the context of the situation, there was still this underlying message that I've been told before but never really acknowledged. White people really don't want to believe that there is still racism and will dismiss even the smallest complaint. Black people and minorities in general experience racism, no matter how small in amplitude, on a regular basis. It is only now that we are able to bring it up and complain. Now don't get me wrong. I'm not saying anything like "white people are all innately racist" or anything like that. It's just that there is this misconception that racism is a thing of the past. Even in the most liberal areas of the country, racism still runs rampant. From the streets all the way up the corporate ladder. It is so real in my life right now I couldn't' even begin to explain.

Now, people associate "complaining" over racial issues as unneeded. But that's not the case. Through complaining, we are raising awareness. We will not truly eliminate racism until everybody, white people included, acknowledge the fact that there is an issue. With all these people saying ,"oh, shut up about racism already. It's 2004 for crying out loud", it looks like we're still far from equality. I doubt I'll ever see racial equality in this white society with my own eyes. I doubt my kids or my grandkids will even see it. There's this train of thought that we're "almost there", but the blatant truth is that we're not. We're far from "there".

Ya heard?

BTW, right now, I have RJD2's "1976" on repeat.

We love control.

We love to drive. We love to hold the remote. We set personal boundaries all the time. We limit the amount we eat. We limit the amount we drink. We even limit the amount we sleep. It makes sense, though. Doesn't it? A lot of these limits are triggered by a sense of self-preservation. They protect us. They keep us content. They keep our environments normal and "safe". But I've started to notice tendencies in others that shows that maybe we limit ourselves in ways that are not always for the good.

I know I do it sometimes. We're scared of the unknown sometimes. The unknown and uncertain makes us feel unconfortable because we again lose control. We as humans don't like to know that what happens to us is really a roll of the dice. You want to know who's really full of shit? Meteorologists. They think they can predict weather. And anyone that follows the weather knows that these people are right maybe 2 out of 7 days of the week. Shit, I could do that well playing "Precipitation Twister". But I digress.

So what do we do? We control our environments. We stay in the same areas. We keep the same kind of friends. We happily make new friends similar to our current friends and avoid the types of people we've avoided for years. We eat at the same restaurants. We go to the same clubs. We approach and flirt the same women and men. We watch the same movies and tv shows. We surf the same websites. We become ritualistic in the truest sense and what's scary is that most of us don't even give it a second thought.

And it all boils down to having that control. Whether we like it or not, I think it's safe to say that most, if not all, people can relate in one way or another.

Comprehension is key, but I choose to read between the lines and continue to confuse the fuck out of myself.

We are told to speak our mind, but letting out all that dialogue is pointless when nobody seems to be listening. Do you listen? I'm not just talking about everyday interactive dialogue. I'm talking about discussions where opposing points are made and contentions are rationalized and justified. Do you really listen? Or are you just sitting their thinking in your head what you're going to say next? It's fucked up, because for most it's the former rather than the latter.

When people say they "agree to disagree", what's really going on? Is there really and understanding reached with the other persons' stance and/or opinion? Or have the two sides just reached a stalemate that has resulted in both sides shrugging their shoulders and throwing their hands up, agreeing on a peace treaty that will last until the next time the topic of discussion is brought up again, most likely under the supervision of beer or whiskey?

Communication is good. Sure. But comprehension is definitely key. Without comprehension, no compromise or improvement can be made. Discussions are pointless without this whole listening thing.

Sometimes I wish I could take some Tabasco and spice up the diction it create. Being literal isn't exactly what you'd call fun. More like fundamental, ya know? We are fascinated and impressed by those than can express things differently and creatively. A unique method of expression is interesting, entertaining, and enjoyable. On the other hand, the plain and bland is looked upon as inferior and boring.

Who wants to be that guy?

The guy that tells it exactly how it is? The guy that doesn't sugar-coat his verbal razors with euphemisms? Nope. No one. No one wants to be that guy.

Everybody wants to be colorful. It you don't stand out, you're not interesting, right? People gravitate to those that stick out from the rest. Maybe a blog writer that has a different way with words. Maybe the popular kid at school that dressed with the newest and most expensive clothes? There are so many external things that make people attractive. Unique. Desirable. Accepted.

I used to always want to stick out. I wanted to have all eyes on me. I wanted to be the guy that everybody knew for being different, unique, and funny. I wanted to talk in a colorful manner. I wanted to be accepted. I look back on who I was and what I wanted and my life and it was all about judging myself based on others' opinions of me. I identified myself through their eyes, and when I fell short of expectations, I hated myself for it. I was disgusted by myself. I had nothing if I had their acceptance. I felt into the crowd of the "normal". The mediocre. The *gasp* "regular". It was a rough part of my life because I didn't really stick out in the way I wanted to.

Well. Fuck all that. That shit is the past. It's easy to see how kids can be so superficial in high school. But I still see people my age and those well beyond my age that still seek the unique exterior without examining depth. Failing to see distinguishable detail among those that "blend in with the crowd" shows a level of superficiality that I can do without. But isn't everybody like that? Don't we all skim through books with covers that don't catch your eye, or not talk to people in the club that aren't exactly physically appealing.

Exterior is just that. Exterior. On the outside. SHALLOW. How many times have you brushed someone off or dismissed someone simply because they didn't "go against the grain" or the "blended in with the background"? It's fucked up now that I think about it. I've done many times in the past. And at the same time, being a person that's not so easy on the eyes, I've had it happen to me twice as many times. It's a part of life, ya know? But it's a part of life that I have learned to work on.

I'm trying. Slowly but surely. I'm trying.

If you don't know, now you know...

In the corporate world, loyalty is nothing and share value maximization is everything. I don't know why we always bitch and complain about our jobs when it's obvious that a content and happy employee environment is secondary tertiary to things such as maximizing the value of stocks for investors. Forget about the 4 years of dedication and selflessness of a loyal employee that hasn't experienced a raise since the day they were hired. The jobs working for minimum wage? Yeah, I could see why there is little to no loyalty in those jobs.

Working for minimum wages sends a pretty clear message to the employee.

"We would pay you less, but it's illegal." (Thanks Chris Rock)

I was under the impression that as soon as I got a job that would catapult me above the poverty line, I would find the employer loyalty that we all look for. Sure, we have co-workers that we enjoy working with. And there are those bosses that show a very high level of understanding and compassion for your needs as an employee. But the very bottom line is that unless you own the company you work for, the people who benefit the most from your work don't give a fuck about you unless the company meets and surpasses annual revenue forecasts.

I'm learning slowly, but surely. This isn't what I want to be a part of 5 years from now. You stay long enough in this environment and you lose a sense of selfworth, pride, and satiety. My drive to move ahead in life is not for my personal benefit but for the benefit of my family. Money is cool. We all want more money. But without my son an wife to share it with, it's all for naught.

So with that in mind, I press on. I can bitch, whine, and moan, all day. But just as long as I can come home to my family, I'll do whatever it takes. Even if it means subjecting myself to superficial pursuit of share value maximization.

I remember one of my instructors asking me why I wanted to marry my then girlfriend. Without missing a beat I said, "She's the only woman I've ever met that can take care of me like my mom did." My female instructor looked at me almost surprised at what I said. At the time, I really couldn't articulate why I really felt the way I did about my now wife.

Sometimes I get irritated with my wife when she does certain things that seem really selfish. I get irked when she comes out of the closet wearing clothes she just bought, even though we've had conversations about actually saving some money. I get even more irritated when she makes petty comments that a 17-year-old would say. Sometimes I get mad just because. But I've realized that for the most part she's just shut up and put up with all of my bullshit.

And believe me. There is a ton of my "bullshit" everywhere. My whining and complaining. My stanky underwear. My constant nagging and my father-like lectures about how she needs to do some things differently. She's taken care of me. She nurses me when I'm sick. She gives me a shoulder to cry on. She takes care of my son when I'm out getting drunk and acting a fool. Sometimes I forget about all the things she's sacrificed to make our family work, especially in those early days when we didn't think we could make it. We were young and grew up fast. If you know anything about my wife, she didn't have much of a childhood to begin with.

I'm a firm believer that opposites attract. I'm the ultimate selfish person and she is, in my eyes, one of the most selfless people I know other than my mother. And when I came to that realization, it all came together. She IS just like my mom. She IS just like my dad. She IS just like my grandma. These are people who have selflessly sacrificed to make my life easier. And just like my mom, dad, and grandma before her, I don't thank her enough for all that she's done for me. For us.

You're probably reading this thinking, "Man, he's just doing this so she can read it and he can get his dick sucked." And you know what? You're probably right. But long, sweat-inducing, butt-clenching, spine-tingling, dick-sucking aside, I'd say it anyway.

I promise.

"Most times, genius is misunderstood, but understand
You stand under unstable tables of foundation
My true occupation, dissemination of information
Usin' both sides of the brain, and I ain't complacent
Complain when I speak, fuck Priority Records
Like Prince, I'm writin' "slave" on my cheek, cause my kids gotta eat
Meanwhile A&R's sniffin' coke, gettin' kickbacks, fuck that
My written's like Christ wit a cross on his back
I'll breathe a total Black experience on a track
What use to be hot was what a emcee said
Now Hip-Hop don't respect you unless you platinum or dead"

- Ras Kass "Van Gogh"

The most satisfying thing about hearing on almost every news station that "Fahrenheit 9/11" was the #1 movie this weekend in the box office is watching these same dignified news anchors saying "White Chicks" is the 2nd movie on the list without even cracking a smile.

Beautiful.

I am totally digging the amount of discussion that Michael Moore's movie "Fahrenheit 9/11". I don't care if people agree. I don't care if people vehemently disagree. I just love the fact that it has sparked so much discussion, especially among the 24 and younger crowd. For Bush, against Bush, shaved, shit I don't care. Just as long as people start understanding the importance of this November, and every November for the rest of their lives.

I went to a wedding two weeks ago and I'm going to be part of a wedding next month. In August, I'll be attending another wedding. I like weddings. They always bring me back to when I got married. When you get married, you really take inventory in your relationship with your significant other. You question yourself no matter how sure you are, "Is this the right person?" I married my wife for all the right reasons and I can sincerely say that without a flinch. I can see the doubt and concern in the eyes of the bride and groom before the wedding, but it quickly changes to assurance and relief. You know it. They'll be okay. We'll be okay. It's love, ya know?

I walk around life sometimes marveling at all the knowledge I've attained in my 24 years of life. I stand proud and confident in my ways. But knowledge isn't what I'm ultimately after. Wisdom is what I pursue. And wisdom isn't acknowledging what you know, it's acknowledging what I don't know and taking every step needed to acquire that knowledge.

My son is so brutally honest sometimes. I love it. And he means no mal-intention what so ever. I think the term "brutally honest" makes it seem like everything should be sugar coated. Our dialogue with each other is filled with euphemisms, as if the truth will "hurt". Hell, there's even a saying that truth "hurts". But does it? Or are we too proud to acknowledge imperfection?

I hate tabloid tv shows like "Celebrity Justice" and "Entertainment Tonight" because it shows something pretty disturbing about our society. Not only do we put celebrities on pedestals to the point where we need their daily lives spoonfed to us on a daily basis, but we love seeing them crash, burn, and make mistakes. We build them up, then we tear them down. That shit sounds pretty damn demented, so I'm refusing to take part of it. Fuck a celebrity. I'd tell their mama they ain't shit.

I like good music. From Pantera's "Walk", to E-40's "Mustard and Mayonaise" to Nina Simone's "Funkier Than A Mosquito's Tweeter". I like raw breakbeats that hit so hard you can bare fight off the urge to brooklyn rock to it like Jimmy Castor's "It's Just Begun". I want shit that I can just bang my head to with guitar riffs so sharp that they can cut through glass, like Metallica's "One". I listen to songs that can tickle your heart by the time you hear the very first note like Troop's "All I Do Is Think Of You".
We take music for granted these days. It is, after all, the soundtrack to our lives. I can go to music to fill my heart and soul with emotion, or to find something that can articulate my feelings. From politics to partying, there is music for every moment of our lives. We associate good and bad memories with music. It's not coincidence. Music is a gift from God.

I can't stand it when people say that "It's just music." It's not. For the people who devote their lives to their music, it is literally "life". Fuck what your heard. There is a little bit of genius in every musical artist out there who put their heart and sole into their music.

Recognize. Learn. Respect.

No frills. No bullshit.

A conversation with Kool Keith on AIM today convinced me to just say "fuck you" to my hit counter, my comments, and my links. Well, okay. Maybe it wasn't just the conversation with Kool Keith. It was a combination of several things. Kristen over at Madpony decided to hang up the blogging boots for good, even leaving a "goodbye" post to all her "fans". Boo fuckin' hoo. Hell, I didn't even know until KK told me during our AIM conversation. I went over there to see the damage.

Reading through the comments, I was torn. I couldn't decide who I felt worse for. Was it the sorry ass readers who longed for the insight of a girl who's biggest problems consisted of the lack of Lime Diet Coke at her regular soda machine or her lack of money to go to a prom with another blogger across the country? Or, did I feel more sympathetic for Kristen, someone who was so gassed that in an AIM conversation with Muscle68, turned a snobby nose upward and asserted that the popularity of her blog was more than his and Raymi's. She obviously wrote with the sense that she was fulfilling an obligation to her readers. They wanted her to post. They needed her to post. They wanted to live vicariously through the lives of two girls who's dad had the fuckin' ovaries to be referred to as "Dadpony".

But damn, isn't that a shitty ass reason to write? I mean, that's not even about you anymore. This realization made me realize that I put to much stock in the feedback I received from the site. Feedback in the form of hits and comments and links became valuable to me for some reason. As if they validated the existence of my blog. But that's not what this is all about. This is about me. This is about me writing to me. This is about me writing about what's important to me. This is about me getting what I want out of writing. This is catharsis. This is healing. This is therapy. This is me.

So don't take it personally. The links, the comments, the hit counter? That was all cosmetic. Unnecessary. Unneeded. I can't lie an say that my blog was some underappreciated piece of genius like Ridley Scott's "Bladerunner". This blog was never popular. It was never genius. It never has nor will be. But it will still be here even after everybody stops reading it. If you come and read, cool. If you don't come. Cool.

No frills. No bullshit.

I had dinner last week with three old friends from high school. We all met at Applebee's, which was unusually crowded for a Tuesday night because of the second game of the NBA Finals. As groups of people huddled around the 3 or 4 televisions tuned in to the game, the three of us had your typical "catch-up" conversations that included topics such as our current occupations, recent gossip of people we knew in high school, and just over all bitching, pissing, and moaning about how we wished our lives were better in one way or another.

One conversation tangent led me to blurt out, "I fuckin'hated high school." This statement taken without the context of where my mind was at the time could be taken as a blatant lie. Because honestly, I loved high school. I was popular. I had the cute girlfriend. I was the funniest guy in class. I was on the baseball team. I was the student body activies commissioner. I was voted "most spirited" and was even listed as so in my senior year yearbook standing next to a cheerleader. But I look back on those years with a feeling that borders on disgust?

Why?

Well, it's really weird. There was this time in junior high where a lot of my friends turned their back on me, leaving me somewhat outcasted from my regular group of friends. By the time I got to high school, my fragile adolescent ego wouldn't let me come even close to feeling that way again. I literally worked on being popular and well liked. I went out of my way to be funny, clever, witty, and smart. I went out of my way to hang out with people that weren't "my friends", but people I thought could give others the impression that I was universally liked. I chased and achieved status in my high school. But as we all know, high school superlatives mean absolutely nothing.

I wrote once somewhere that high school is a cartoon version of real life. We spend a lot of that time thinking that we know it all, not realizing that we were living in a parody of reality. In high school, I thought I knew everything. I had everything under control. No one could tell me shit. I look back now, about 8 years after the fact, and I think about not only how much I've grown, but also how much I have yet to learn. I look back on high school and I'm almost disgusted by what I held as valuable and all the things I failed to recognize as valuable. I spent over 5 years of my life with my priorities all out of order and I hated my old self for it. Everything I thought was right was completely wrong.

But after I expressed my hatred for my high school years, I had to take a step back and thing about why I said what I said. This past year of college, I've done a lot of reflecting on my life and how much I've learned. I really can't dwell on what has happened in the past, because the past is obviously irreversible. I can only chalk it up as a loss and learn from my mistakes. It was then that I realized that maybe I didn't hate high school so much. And even if I do hate it now, it is only a reflection of my growth in the past years.

We are constantly growing, both intellectually and emotionally. Our priorities should always change, and if you don't look back a few years at the certain things you did wrong, you probably haven't growth enough to realize the errors you've made along the way. I look back on my high school years and I realize that my life was backwards. What was important to me back then really isn't important to me now, and vice versa.

That's okay. Sometimes you have to do some things wrong in order to do some things right.

We ended our dinner with hugs and promised to have a repeat engagement sometime in the near future. I drove home thinking about some of the good times I shared with those friends, and how we've all grown for the good.

Good times, I tell ya. With hopefully more to come.