I hope this is bullshit. I really do. But if it's not, I would like to extend one piece of advice to our 16-year-old Russian kid: Yo. If you want to have a life long career in the porno industry, KEEP THAT SHIT ON YOUR ARM. I mean, you can be the very first person to ever fuck himself in the ass on camera.
Was that over the line? FUCK.
D0NNIEVEGA [12:18 AM]: wtf
D0NNIEVEGA [12:18 AM]: i'd grow one on the base of my spine
D0NNIEVEGA [12:19 AM]: and be the meat in a girl sandwich
Jennyeah used to mention Anti every now and then but I never took a look. It wasn't until just two days ago while having an AIM convo w/ Kool Keith that the name was brought up so I finally went to take a look. I have to admit, it's pretty good read. Sometimes I find it hard to get around to read even the people on my "People I Stalk" list, but I think it's time to make another addition.
A good friend Ryan from San Diego has started a blog over at http://muscle68.blogspot.com. Please, take time to check it out. It looks to have the potential of a winner.
So as I sit here at work, I have nothing better to do but mention a somewhat politcal conversation between a few coworkers and myself. The topic stemmed from a comment that one of my coworkers was seriously considering voting for Ah-nold to be the next California Governor. I brought up the point that a huge underlying flaw in our politcal system is the fact that there are now lifelong politicians who do nothing else but run for political offices. I contended that our government is build on the notion that regular working (back then they were of course rich AND white)men would serve their country by holding an office. When their term was over, they would return to regular life as a normal citizen.
What is happening today is that we have people who live their entire lives as politicians, not necessarily doing what is best for the people they serve, but what is best for their careers as politicians. Now, don't get me wrong. I understand that there are exceptions to the rule and there are people in offices that wholeheartedly serve the people that have elected them. So this idea brings me back to our election for Governor here in Cali. I am seriously thinking about voting for Ah-nold as well, not because of where he stands on issues or anything even remotely political. Ah-nold is not a life-long politician. It's not like he's in a position to gain financially. He's a fuckin' movie star. He can go on and make a movie called "Kindergarten Terminator The Barbarian" and it'll make $100 Million. He married a fuckin' Kennedy. This guy wants in and wants to do it well. So why all the skeptics?
People think that the California Gubenatorial race has become a circus since the talk of a recall election even started. Gary "Whatchu Talkin' About, Officer?" Coleman is running. Pornstar Mary Carey is running. But it's California. This is nothing new here. I think the circus has been in town for a good 200 years. Maybe radical changes are in order, no?
This just in.....
Muscle68 is a fuckin' genius.
Just Falling Of The List Today...
Fuck A Tribute.
Fuck her for initially rubbing me the wrong way. Fuck her for reeling me in and getting me interested. Fuck her for getting me to think I was somehow her friend. Fuck her for being vunerable. Fuck her for making me care too much. Fuck her for being callous and at times completely unreasonable. Fuck her for the frequent moments of concern I'd have wondering if she was okay. Fuck her and her drugs. Fuck her for making me think that I could somehow help. Fuck her for shutting me out.
Fuck me for letting it all happen.
Shit is funny sometimes. I have times during my workday where I have absolutely nothing to do.
"Hey, Joe. Whatcha doin'?"
"Surfing the web waiting for something to break."
I mean, that's what I do here. I wait for something to break. I wait for the printer to jam. I wait for someone's email to get lost. I wait until somebody goes outside to smoke so I can use their lighter. I blog.
It really doesn't get any better than that. Sometimes I chat with Kool Muthafuckin' Keith as we both duck our bosses from actually doing some work. Shit, at least he's being paid. I'm sitting here working for experience. For FREE. I thought they abolished slavery with the Emancipation Proclamation. I guess not. And you know what's even more demented? I actually LIKE working here.
I've seen more movies in the past month than I have in the previous two years. Bad Boys 2, then Terminator 3, and most recently S.W.A.T., I am becoming unusually comfortable in a movie theatre. I think I hate it.
On a side note, halfway through watching S.W.A.T. on Friday (during the 3 hour lunch me and a few coworkers took), some idiot pulls the fire alarm and we are forced to exit the theatre until the FD can give the "all clear". Complete chaos/confusion ensued when theatre employees were telling everybody different stories. I was upset because a place like a movie theatre is succeptable to that type of prank, and the employees were completely unprepared. First they all ushered us out. Then they told us to go back and sit down. 20 minutes of walking in and out of the theatre just didn't scream "organization". We just left because we were actually supposed to be at work anyway.
A bowl of Karma soup, anyone?
Luckily enough, I ended up catching the movie again yesterday. It was merely "okay", and I though it ended in an anti-climactic manner.
My friend is driving with his girlfriend in the passenger's seat with me sitting behind her. We're driving down 880 North towards Oakland and I notice that her hand is on his lap as they hold hands. I jokingly say "Hey, hey, hey. None of that shit while I'm in the car." My friend says back "Hey, man. She's trying to grab my cock, dawg."
This is were my mind goes crazy.
"Cock, Dog?.....COCK DOG!.....Is that like a chicken hot dog?......That could work!....We could have "Cock Dog On A Stick" kiosks at every mall across America.....What would the employees at "Cock Dog On A Stick" wear?...And exactly would be in their lemonade at "Cock Dog On A Stick"?.......
That shit is nuts, man. Cock. Dog.
a) I wanted to see my son longer than the 2 minutes I see him awake before I leave for work
b) I stayed up late watching Terminator 3 last night
c) I literally have 1 pair of clean underwear and had to do my laundry
T3 by itself was an average movie at best. As the conclusion to a trilogy, I think T3 was an excellent movie. Although I though it was a little on the short side (a little under 1:45), I loved how it helped weave together all three movies and it even made sense! It wasn't as visually impressive as T2 was at it's time, but the storyline helps me give this a thumbs up.
Thumbs up to Bad Boys 2 as well. But since I'm sure everybody's seen that, I'll leave it at that.
I bit my lip twice in the same spot in 3 days. Someone is either talking tons of shit about me a lot or I have fucked up teeth.
It's Onfield Photo Day!!
Admiring The Stadium
Barry Bonds Home Run Tracker
Coke Bottle, Yo
Barry
Best Grass EVER. Seriously. EVER.
Great End To A Great Day
So on the way to the car, who do we see? JEFF GARCIA!
Honestly, I never felt unsafe or out of place. Before my son was born, I always wanted to move back to The City or Daly City and go back to my roots as a City Kid. But I think the desire to live in the city now directly contradicts my desire to raise my son in a good environment. I mean, damn, the suburbs have become pretty damn "urban". I've witnessed gang fights, shootings, attempted rapes and other typically urban activities. So it's not like I'm trying to isolate him in any way. I just want him to be a kid. I want him to have a childhood.
I look at these kids these days, and they have like a 4 year childhood. By the time they're in 4th grade, they're wearing make up and sagging their pants. Where'd the innocence go? Childhood is fleeting as is. I can't understand these parents that force their kids to grow up and "mature" to adults. They commend 4 year old boys for having "girlfriends". Mother's are dressing their little girls like they're accompanying them to the fuckin' club. I hate that shit. Remember playing on the street? Not playing anything in particular, just fuckin' playing. Elementary schools are now replacing jungle gyms and playgrounds with benches so elementary kids can sit around and gossip about who kissed who or who has the biggest ass. And we're talking about 10, 11 year old kids!!
Ahh, fuck. Whatever. I'm going to teach my son the intagibles. Class, respect and compassion. He will have a damn childhood. Kids are being robbed of their childhood and we wonder why they grow up irresponsible and disrespectful.
Anyway, manual labor is a bitch. I've never worked so hard physically in a long time. Fuck cement. Fuck wood. Fuck going to the dump. Fuck seagulls. Fuck eating with dirty hands. And Fuck chocolate mint ice cream while you're at it.
The Ballsy Truth
During a field trip to the zoo in 7th grade, a group of friends and I couldn't help but laugh uncontrolably when we walked up to the exhibit of the blue-scrotumed monkey. Almost with perfect comedic timing, my algebra teacher commented "Your balls would be blue too if you sat on rocks all day."
Classic.
Life is nothing more than a series of detours. Growing up in a middle class family with parents who have lived in the worst of a 3rd world country, the path to academic and career success was always laid out for me. My parents constantly drilled into my head that there was only one way to be happy and succeed in life: graduate from high school so I can go to an excellent university and start a career before starting a family. It wasn’t just one of many paths to success. It was the only acceptable path in my parents’ eyes. So I went along with it and went on to attend the University of California at Davis to continue on my path to success. Unfortunately, my I came upon one of many detours on this path to success, which was my academic disqualification from the University.
The day I received the notice from the University of California that I had been academically disqualified from attending school at their Davis campus was the first detour I encountered on my way to happiness and success. Up until that time I was just going with the flow. Life before that day was simple. Before my stint at Davis, I overachieved academically and athletically with little or no effort. I had always been a prodigy and words like “potential” and “promising” were always used to describe me by both my parents and instructors. As a teenage athlete, I was blessed with a lot of talent that took me to the highest levels of play for my age. Succeeding came easy. That was though, before I finally started attending college.
Coming out of high school, I was not even ready for college. I was living on values I developed in high school. Things like being popular and instant gratification took precedence over academics and responsibility. I had the grades to get into an excellent university, so I almost felt as if everything would take care of itself. I didn’t even arrange my classes for the first quarter of my freshman year until one month before classes started, almost 2 months after all of my friends. I spend most of my time outside of class socializing and partying. The values I held in high school carried over to college, and my grades suffered because of it. Even after my first quarter of university education and flunking two of my three classes, the flaws in my approach to education went on unnoticed. I had other priorities at the time. I spent time coaching volleyball at my former high school and the local junior high school. I had a girlfriend that went to school 100 miles away in San Francisco and spent more time driving to and from San Francisco than I did studying. Everything that was conducive to my education was neglected and I was slowly veering off course. Little did I know about the huge roadblock I would encounter on this road to success just on the horizon.
I was so blind to that fact that even after my 3 quarter of being in academic probation with the university, my disqualification still came as a surprise. I was in complete disbelief and refused to take responsibility for my actions. I found ever excuse to explain to my parents why this happened. I pointed my finger to them for not allowing me to live in Davis and forcing me to commute an hour to and an hour from school. I was mad at them because I was forced to work to make extra spending money. I complained about all this and never once acknowledged the $7000 my parents saved up for my college education that I happen to waste on eating out and buying clothes instead of tuition and books. My father even gave me $10 every day for gas and lunch. But still, it was their fault. I never once looked at myself and held myself accountable for my actions. I didn’t see that I am ultimately responsible for my actions and that my screwed up priorities were to blame. The disqualification letter came and plopped itself directly in the center of my road to success. I was crushed and disoriented. I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. There was, though, a change in road conditions in the near future.
At the time the only “silver lining” I could see in my disqualification from UC Davis was that my friends and I went ahead and signed a lease for an apartment in Davis during our Spring semester, so instead of staying at home with my parents who couldn’t pass up any opportunity to remind me how I blew it at UCD, I could finally be on my own to live my own life. I was tired of having to answer to my parents and I couldn’t wait to live on my own for the first time. So I packed up all my belongings and moved to Davis. When we first moved in, my roommates and I were overwhelmed by the unbelievable amount of freedom we had. I enjoyed each day by doing everything that wasn’t seen as acceptable when living at home. The move away from home seemed like an opportunity to start all over. It was like I was given a new windshield for my car that accumulated dirt and bugs on the rough road to success.
Unfortunately, I wasn’t prepared for the responsibilities of living on my own. The skill of money management still avoided me and I struggled to make rent on a monthly basis. At the time, I was working at the Foot Locker at a local mall for a shade over minimum wage and barely had enough to cover all my expenses. I had a new girlfriend I depended on credit cards to buy what we needed and a lot of the time I used my credit cards to buy what we didn’t need. The lack of money management skills and expense accounting eventually led to my seemingly insurmountable credit card debt. On top of that, the freedom that I experienced also led me to continue blowing off my education. I was attending classes at a junior college, not taking the classes that I needed to get back to a four-year university but classes I thought would be easy to complete. I was stopped on my road to success.
Although I did have successful semesters at the junior college, I switched my major two times from physics to psychology and on to speech. I obviously did not learn for my past mistakes and it didn’t seem like I’d find myself back in the same direction.
After about 6 months of living away from home another change of lifestyle came around when my girlfriend was kicked out of her house. Having no place to stay, she moved up to Davis with me and my roommates. We were two people in our late teens still struggling to find out who we were. We had constant arguments and I understood that it wasn’t because we had lost feelings for each other, but that we didn’t know how to compromise and empathize with each other. I can remember wanting to runaway from our problems and even kicking her out of the apartment on two occasions. I thought back then that it was because we were no longer incompatible and that living together had showed us that. But it had less to do with our feelings for each other and more about how we perceived each other as individuals. We saw ourselves as an inseparable couple and not as two individuals who are different yet complement each other’s shortcomings. I couldn’t recognize this and we crashed and burned I look back and I understand that we learned the hard way about understanding our relationship. Little did we know that we had a larger roadblock ahead of us that would change our lives. We learned that she was pregnant.
I can remember vividly the day I decided that we would not have an abortion and go ahead and have the baby. It was odd, because for the first time without the help of anybody but myself, I decided to be accountable for our actions and take responsibility for this baby we created. I came upon another detour on my road to success and I decided to take it. I know that at the time I didn’t fully understand the responsibility I was taking on in being a father, but I made the decision that I felt was right for my future. For the first time, I didn’t look to anyone but myself to determine what was good for me. It was also the first decision I made that wasn’t selfish and based on instant gratification like my decision to move out of my house and numerous less important decisions before it. I understood that I was young and ill equipped for fatherhood and that it takes a lot of effort and hard work to make our family work.
My son was born in July of 2000 and I was so grateful that he was healthy. The first few days being home with my son and his mom was pretty easy because my girlfriend’s mom took time off of work to help us out. After she went back to work, there was a period where I began to really doubt if I had what it took to be a father. There would be nights after work where I would stay up to 6 in the morning taking care of my son so his mom could get a full night’s worth of sleep. During those nights I would get this feeling that I got myself into something I couldn’t get out of. I was responsible for another person’s life. It was a responsibility that my 20-year-old self didn’t think I could handle. I wasn’t even halfway down the road of success and I already had a child to take care of. Just when I thought I was doing what I thought was right by taking responsibility for my son, I realized that I was taking another detour on my road to success.
The birth of my son did put a lot of things in better perspective. For one, I was forced to manage my money more efficiently. Not only were the expenses of having a child demanding, but it also put itself in front of my own needs. I could go another month without a new pair of shoes, but my son would need new diapers, formula and clothes on a regular basis. I even went as far as to start saving money just in case something would happen to me and I would not be able to work. I also gained a huge appreciation for my parents and their ability to raise 3 children. Just taking care of my son was hard work, and both of my parents worked full time jobs. Parenting takes a certain level of selflessness, and it wasn’t only until I was a parent myself when I realized that parents would do anything possible to meet their children’s needs. With that in mind, I reflected on all the sacrifices my mother and father took to allow me and my sisters to live comfortably. I new then that I had to be proactive in bettering the future of not only myself but also my family. And I knew it would take numerous sacrifices.
My son’s mother and I were doing much better handling our money, but we were still in a load of credit card debt. In order to relieve our financial strain, we decided to move back home to Vallejo with our respective parents until we could become more financially stable. We were willing to swallow our pride and look out for the good of our family and our future as a family. I was aware of the many things I would sacrifice by moving by like giving up some privacy, chores and spending time with my parents. What I didn’t expect was how coming back home would change the way I look at my parents and my family and make me more appreciative of them in my life.
Moving back home was initially rough. For the first time in two years I was living away from my girlfriend. On top of that, it was the first time I was away from my son. But what really was hard getting used to was being in somebody else’s home. Everything I wanted to escape I was willing to live with again. My parents, though, were surprisingly understanding of my situation. They didn’t hold me to the same limits I had before I moved away. My mother even told me during lunch one day that I could do whatever I had to do, just as long as I put the needs of my son and my family first. I was happy that my parents were actually happy I was home for the first time in two years. I began to appreciate having such understanding and supportive parents. My mom would even go as far as to offer me money to help with some of my son’s expenses. It was a pleasant surprise, but completely expected at the same time.
My parents have always been so generous. They have given me everything I could ever want and the least I could do is show them respect and appreciation. I looked back at how I completely blamed them for my disqualification from Davis and was ashamed because only then did I notice that it was my entire fault. My parents did everything in their power to allow me too succeed. They showed me a way to get to my goals and I chose to take my own route. It is from their example where I model my methods of parenting. Not just because of imitation, but because I have seen their methods at work and I am impressed with the results. My parents did tell me that I had to get back to school and get something done quickly to start supporting my family.
Being pressed to get back to school to find a way to support me and my new family, I attended Heald College in an attempt to break into the field of computer technology. Not fully thinking out this decision and recognizing the declining money and jobs in the computer technology field, I was still out of a job after graduation. So there I was with two Associate degrees in computer technology and several Microsoft professional certifications with no job to show for it. It turned out that what I thought was a fast lane on this different road to success was another detour to the wrong place.
After 4 months of waiting for the economy to get better and waiting for something to just fall into my lap, I decided to take control of my life. One of my instructors from Heald told me about an extended learning program with St. Mary’s and informed me that the program is well worth the time. I looked into the program and realized that this will be the perfect opportunity to hop back on the road I started on way back when I graduated high school. For the first time, I could see the end of the road. The destination was within my grasp and it was completely up to me to take the opportunity I have been waiting for.
After 4 years of looking around for the correct path, I realized that it was totally up to me to determine where my destination would be. I knew from the very beginning that I wanted to attain a Bachelor’s degree, but I was only aware of one road to get there. All this time all I could think about how many detours I have been forced to take on my road to success. I would look back at what I saw as mistakes and constantly ask myself “what if?” But now I look back on my life and I see that there never was an exact road I was supposed to take. There were never detours on my road at all. All the hardships and difficult decisions, whether if they were wrong or right, were part of the journey that led me to my current self. I think about my very first detour when I received the disqualification notice from UC Davis and I see that as not a detour, but as an actual part of my journey to success.
We focus so much on the end result of our bad decisions that we never stop to notice how we learn from our mistakes. These mistakes build character and make us who we are. Although they may be negative in nature, we must choose to learn from these life experiences if we want to better our character and ourselves. So many people perceive me being a young and unmarried father of a 2-year-old boy as an unfortunate situation. Others will see my disqualification from UC Davis and my hasty decision to attend Heald College amidst a technological recession as another unfortunate situation. I look back on those events as learning experiences that have helped me understand what I want to do with my future and the future of my family. They have helped me learn more about life than any textbook or psychologist could ever tell me.
Taking detours on your road to success can be painful. I have taken many detours in my life only to learn from them. Reflecting on these detours has taught me that we are all ultimately responsible for the roads we take, and if we choose to learn from our mistakes we will eventually end up exactly where we wanted to be in the first place. Am I where I want to be? Not quite. I still have a long way to go. But from learning from past detours in the form of life experiences, I am more than confident that I will eventually encounter the success and happiness I desire.
It was a fuckin' Internet catfight. An e-tussle. A key-style battle. Over what? "Moxie". Well, I hate to break it to you, but that shit sounds like laundry detergent.
"I'm going to pick up some Moxie, I got a cranberry stain on my collar."
"Moxie is great at getting my husband's shit stains out of his tighty whities."
How coincidental is it that at the same time Spike Lee is taking legal action against Viacom to stop them from changing TNN to "Spike TV" because of it's likeness to Spike's name? Well, both are fuckin' rediculous and we're all dumber after spending time just talking about it.
There's this slang term that I've been using a lot and I think it fits well here:
Gassed
People's heads are so filled with gas that they have a demented perception of reality. And just in case one of them reads this, this is reality:
And for all of you fuckin' Moxie Ovary Riders that are on a smear campaign, you get nothing but the dick. Go back to jackin' off to the thought of Moxie.nu reading your blog...
I've been ducking work as much as I can. I'm only scheduled to work every Monday night from 5-9:15, but the 1 hour drive up there and 1 hour back have been taking it's toll on me. Especially with all my writing assignments due on Tuesdays. It would be a good idea if I didn't procrastinate until the last few days before the assignments were due, but oh well. That's what I get for wanting to keep my discount.
I'm really hooked on this Friendster.com thing. Today I e-united with my 100th friend. I've done a good job of trying to keep my group of friends people who I've actually seen in person, but there are maybe 2 or 3 exceptions including Leah, somebody that HAD the chance to meet me in person, but thought otherwise. This was maybe 4 years ago (and 75 lbs lighter on my part) and I was CRAZY cute back then. I have no idea why she balked at the chance. But I'm not bitter.
Or am I?
Today's enlightening download of the day goes to Ras Kass' "Nature of The Threat". Go download it and tell me what you think, specifically the content of the lyrics.
