Reality TV is a mockery of reality. The fucked up thing is that reality is a joke. It's a farce. Fake. Phony. Similar to how pornos fuck up people's perception of what sex is really like, reality TV has pretty much fucked up our perception of what life is like. "The Real World"? In the real world, we avoid people we don't really like and we pay rent. You want to know what a real "Survivor" is? A single mother with 2 jobs supporting 3 children. And fuck an American Idol. Fuck an American Idol in the ass (Don't get any funny ideas, Clay). Because we need to stop throwing out "idol" as if the mere talent of being able to sing makes you someone to look up to.

Then you have a myriad of reality dating shows. What the fuck happened to the good old days when you could just meet someone through an Internet matching service and elope to Vegas and have a Star Wars themed wedding? But seriously. People do not meet like this. Most people don't meet each other and fuck on the first night. Most people wouldn't stick around for the second half of a horrible date. I had a personal friend that was on Elimidate last year, and he told me that they encouraged him to enbibe alcohol well BEFORE the date even showed up. Hmmm, for some reason, they didn't show all that in in the broadcast. It's hard to believe that these type of things happen in real life all the time, but if it happens on a show over and over again, people start thinking "man, what the fuck am I doing wrong ?". This is obviously bullshit.

"Average Joe"? "The Apprentice"? "The Bachelor"? Will this shit ever stop? Reality TV is now an 18-wheeler with no brakes. But the bullshit does not stop at what we are forced to watch. It is also in the shit we're forced to hear.

Art does no longer imitates life. Life is imitating art in many areas throughout our society. Look at Hip Hop and Hip Hop music. Disenfranchised urban (and in a lot of cases these days, suburban) youth are now emulating who? Disenfranchised youth. These rap artists who are being exploited by the music industry are forced to churn out negativity, hate and misogyny. Where is the wisdom? Where is the leadership? It's non-existent. But let's not blame Rap for negatively influencing our youth, because although artists and record labels do need to take responsibility for their actions (something that will NEVER happen), parents need to start taking responsibility for their fucking inability to raise their children properly.

Is it not common sense that Chingy isn't exactly the best role model in the world? I mean, shit, rappers are not role models. You and I know that shit. But have you see how kids are falling for this shit? I know people who don't vote, but will defend 2pac like he's his son. Shit is kind of twisted. Go to the mall and tell me how many kids you see with a throwback jersey and some Urr Force 1's. For fucks sakes, yo. What' is going on around here? Music is supposed to be the soundtrack of our lives, but I don't' know whose lives some of these muthafuckas are rapping about.

What's fake is fake and what's real is fake as well. Face it. We're taking steps towards a "Brave New World" and most people don't see it.

Word to the man behind Ultrablognetic, not only for taking time to bless this blog with his presence, but for being one of the initial driving forces early in my year long blogging career.

I dangerously flirt with stagnancy. As I stop to smell the roses, sometimes I pull up a chair and rest a little longer than expected. Ya know what I mean? If you stay still long enough, the world around you moves so fast you become entrenched in the illusion that you are still moving. You know that feeling. You're at a stoplight facing uphill and the car next to you begins to slowly inch forward, giving you the false sense of sliding backward in reverse. You quickly apply the brakes even harder, only to realize that the light turned green while you were starring at the couple crossing the street at the adjacent crosswalk.

Shit's been like that lately. With all this new found responsibility living in our new apartment, I stopped to take a good look at where I've come from, where I am, and where I want to be. Unfortunately, I've been stuck in this contemplative rut for the last few weeks, and I need to get off my ass and do something. I've worked pretty hard to get where I am, both scholastically and professionally. At least part of me would like to think so. The other part keeps telling how lazy I am and how slowly I choose to develop.

An older classmate told me the other week that she thinks I'm going to be somebody special. She told me that she sees qualities in me that would make me more successful than I could ever imagine. She cited the ideas I come up with and the amazing way I carry myself at such a young age as proof. I quickly dismissed it because for one, I don't take compliments very well ( a product of my low self-esteem), and secondly, because I 've been secretly telling myself that for the past 24 years of my life. But for the first time, someone other than my mom and myself said something positive about my future in terms of "potential".

But I think "potential" is a tricky term. Fuck it. Potential is a bullshit term. Potential only sets you up to fail. I was always the kid "with potential". In Little League, I was billed as a potential high school and college caliber athlete. So much for that. In high school, I had the potential to be a university scholar. So much for that, too. You never hear of anybody living up to potential. You always hear about the kid who never fulfilled his true potential.

So that's what's motivating me now. I'm tired of being the kid with all the potential. I'm tired of measuring myself against things I'm supposed to do. I'm just going to do it. It sounds corny, I know. But I've spent so much time in my life dwelling on what I've failed to accomplish. I never stopped to think that a lot of these goals are still attainable. We cannot afford to be stagnant in a dynamic world. Some people get stuck in a rut and give up and live their lives asking "What If?" You NEVER hear anybody say "What if I try to do it again?"

Couldn't hurt to try, eh?

Hi. My name is jurk storr malone. Joe was like prolly smoking crack a while back when he sent me an e-mail letting me know to post crap on his blog whenever I wanted. Well little did he know how literally I would take him on both ends of that statement.

One of the things you have to know about me, cuz, shit, I’m like, super famous, like, more famous than that backup dancer on the Pringles commercial, is that I take my fame very seriously. In fact, I’ve got like 30 different agents working on 85 different deals on 7 continents. Literally, in like 3 hours, I have to be on a corporate jet for Doritos to land in Antarctica and do a commercial for skyyy vodka with that really famous penguin from that crappy adam sandler movie. Where he’s with some chick that can’t remember shit from the day before. His name’s koo-koo-bird.

Ok, no it’s not, I totally lied.

Another thing that you should know regarding my fame is that I hate to talk about it. I’m very very very shy in regards to getting recognized in public all the time as a result of my super-famous blogs ultrablognetic & a dog named clipper. I mean, shit, and don’t even get me started on if I’m ever in japan or korea. They go absolutely insane for me over there and one time I even had to escape out the window of a 37th floor hotel room with only a few towels and sheets tied together cuz this porn star wanted to rape me in front of this reality show director. I was like, hell no. I don’t go out like that, nah mean? It’s just not done.

A rule that I always go by for if you want my autograph is you have to send me a letter or telegram at least 5 years in advance. Since I’ve only been famous, well, this famous, or, like, you know, sean penn famous, for like 3 and a half years, I have yet to sign an official autograph. Sure, there are lots of copies of my real name signature, but only like 3 people in the whole negasphere know that, and I sure as hell ain’t telling you. no, I mean, you will not find a copy of a signature reading “kool keith el otro” no matter how hard you look, and if you do, it’s fake, and even if you put in a request today, I’m not starting working on the ones that are 3.5 years old for like another year and a half, and that’ll take me at least 6 months to get through with my schedule.

Oh and just one more thing, I’m the only person in the world besides sofia coppola that knows what bill murray said to that chick at the end of lost in translation.

And I’m not telling. Ok, well, I did tell joe, but he’s been sworn to secrecy. Just know that it involves Ronald mcdonald, and leave it at that. don’t try to guess any further into it, cuz I can already tell you that you’re way off base.

Video killed the radio star...

...and in turn forced music into slow, almost unnoticeable, downturn in quality.

Think about it. There are only a few people on this planet that can become successful in the music industry. They must have the "total package". They must look great, fit into the mold of what is currently popular, and have an ounce of actual talent. It's a sad fact, but absolutely true. The best song writers and the best music producers and the biggest labels all get behind the artist that will sell the most records, not the artist with the most talent.

I think the "talent" portion of the job title "talent scout" should be dropped completely. They aren't out there scouting talented kids. They are looking for the best looking kids. The most marketable kids. Could some of them be actually talented? Of course. You have your Norah Jones' and your Alicia Keys. You have your ?uestloves and Stevie Wonders. There is no denying their talent. But then you see these other artists with marginal talent but a very marketable look and/or image. You know who I'm talking about. The Britneys, the Chingys, and the Fred Dursts of the world. It's a sad thing.

I think we're being robbed of the best music our people have to offer because music is no longer an art. Music is a business. They refer to it as "The Industry" where the dollar rules and talent is merely icing on the cake. The good thing is that people are beginning to see though the bullshit and are turning to the underground. Small clubs and other hole-in-the-wall establishments are seeing an increase of people who are tired of the Top 100 music people like Clearchannel and Viacom are flooding our ears with. I'm personally sick and tired of the radio and haven't listened to the radio on FM for a good 5 years.

Don't get me wrong. Is there good music on the radio? Yes. Could it be better? Oh yeah. Are we getting shut out of a lot of great music? Hell yes.

I was thinking the other night about how a lot of Americans don't' vote. I can't really state the actual statistics, but it's safe to say that there are 3 groups of people who typically vote:

1. The ones that do it because they can.
2. The ones that do it because they want to change the world.
3. The ones that do it because they are fuckin' old and have nothing better to do but fuck up the lives of youger people.

The scary thing about all this is that the percentage of actual voters for each group increase significantly as that list goes down. But that's a different story all together.

So why don't people vote? I honestly think it's because of two things. For one, people have lost complete faith in the voting process. I mean, let's be real here. Dubya didn't even get the majority of votes last election and he still won. That shit is crazy, and quite honestly could make someone just throw their hands in the air and say "fuck it". I know I've been teetering on the edge at times, but I still think my vote counts towards something.

The second reason is completely different and is maybe a testament to the quality of life here in the US. People are simply content with their lives and feel no need to change the status quo. I mean, look at the type of feedback restaurants get. The only time they get feedback on their quality of service is when the service is shitty. If the service is just enough to keep a customer satisfied, they wouldn't hear a single thing. Not a complaint nor praise. So maybe this isn't such a surprise.

There's a lot of things in our country that need to change, but unfortunately a large portion of (voting) Americans are afflicted with indifference. Not so much that they don't care, but because they don't feel the need to care. Millions of Americans have flocked to suburbs and gated communities to feel safe, but in turn have isolated themselves from the world that affects the majority. These are the people who vote. They vote to keep their lives the same. If someone proposes to put a basketball court in their neighborhood, they head to the city council meetings to voice their opinions. Basketball courts = urban, and urban = black. And they can't have that happening in their neighborhood. It would destroy their feelings of being safe. But they see a proposition on the ballot that would cut public school funding to make up for a budget deficit, and they just be happy their kids are in private school. Most of these voters aren't looking out for the good of the country and the people in it. They are voting for themselves to keep their shit safe, not ours.

My last blog was about not being a victim. This sounds like some corny Goonies speech, but I really don't care. This election, we have an opportunity to shape what the world is going to look like in the next 10-20 years. I'm not going to stand around and watch shit change without my having my say, no matter how insignificant it may seem.

Damn, I just stopped to read this and I feel pretty lame. Back to pretending to work.

I fuckin' hate the "victim".

When I'm really bored at work, sometimes I take a look at the newly published blogs on the left side of the Blogger homepage. A lot of them are teeny-bopper-that-strayed-a-little-too-far-from-Xanga websites with a bunch of cool-but oh-so-unnecessary features like a javascript fade-in or 5 different tag boards. A lot of these blogs are also teeny boppers and adults alike complaining about absolutely everything possible. Tell me if these sound familiar:

"Oh my parents are such assholes because I came home late and they grounded me. They are so unfair."

"My job sucks and my boss sucks I don't get paid enough. When will I get what I deserve?"

"I hate my economics professor. He wouldn't let me turn my term paper in late."

"I hate the American Government. That's why I'll never vote."

I read this type of shit everywhere. On message boards, on blogs, etc. Tons of people complain about everything and show little to no effort to either take responsibility for their actions or take action to change the status quo. Most of the time, I see it from kids who blog incessantly about how unfair their parents are, then go on to write about their new car that the same parents just bought. But it's not just kids. Americans everywhere sit on the sidelines and complain about how dumb President Bush is and how he has manipulated the system, but will refuse to show up at their precinct when November rolls around. If it's not one thing, it's another. Responsibility seems to be very slippery for some of these people. I have zero sympathy for these types of self-inflicted "victims".

We as individuals are ultimately responsible for what we do and how we feel about things that happen around us. People need to accept the fact that they have a responsibility to themselves and it is them and only them that can help. They cannot place blame anywhere but on their own shoulders. This victim shit has to go, man. Be proactive. Take some control over your feelings and your life in general.

As if the "Toxic" video wasn't enough to convince you, Britney Spears is too fuckin' much. You know, I'm all for ass and titties, but this shit is too much. Now I can go on a whole tirade on how she is the true American Idol for millions of little girls and how she's feeding to their already oversexed lives. Or, I can go another route and say how she's completely biting Madonna's shock/sex style that defined her career for the better half of the 80's and early 90's. But, I won't do that because that wouldn't get anything done. I decided to leave a few messages on her phone and give that bitch a piece of my mind:

*beep*

Yo Britney, it's me. I saw the pictures of that shit you pulled off at your last show. Come on, now. We all know you're hot. We all know you're sexy. But shit, leave that porno bullshit in the bedroom. You already have guys jacking off to your videos. Do you really need guys jacking off at your shows? Holla back..

*beep*

*beep*

Britney, it's B again. Yo, sorry for the harsh words earlier. I know you should be comfortable with your sexuality. You're a grown ass woman now. It's just sometimes I get jealous. You're not the same anymore. First it was the drinking. Then the smoking. Now it's the random dry humping. I don't know if I can take it anymore. Call me back..

*beep*

*beep*

Brit. It's B. Just caught "Toxic" on MTV for the 3rd time this hour. Needless to say, I have a towel and two socks that smell like bleach now. You need to kill this sexy shit. All my Dungeons & Dragons online friends laugh at me on a daily basis. Not because you don't talk to me but because of all this raunchy porno shit. I've become a joke. Please stop avoiding my calls...

*beep*

*beep*

Okay, fuck it. Britney. You're a ho. Look at you. First you're selling Sketchers and now you're dry humping a gay Tito Ortiz lookin' muthafucka on stage. I've had it. If your career does not cumlinate with you having sex with Vanilla Ice, consider yourself a failure. You are a disgrace to the real sluts of the world. Now eat a dick, bitch.

*beep*

Last week I went over to the local batting cages to take a few hacks. I brought the usual: my 13 dollar bat I felt like I stole of eBay last year, my mismatched Franklin batting gloves, and memories of the many baseball seasons of my past.

I miss it. I can't lie. Early Spring always get me itchy not only for the new pollen in the air, but the oncoming baseball season. I played organized baseball for a good 7 years of my life. It was a huge part of my life and was one of the few things that truly made me happy. I was really good. I mean, I may have not been the most skilled or the strongest, but what I lacked physically I made up for in knowing the game. I was a student of the the game of baseball. One of the best compliments I ever received was from my high school pitching coach. He told me that my decision making skills were far beyond the scope of most high school athletes. Baseball was not only a physical game to me, it was also a cerebral game. The position I played, catcher, allowed me to control the game. My decisions allowed me to control where a pitcher threw the ball. This dictated how the defense would align itself. I was at the helm of the team, but it was rarely acknowledged until my coach handed out that compliment. I missed all that.

But what I really missed is just hanging out with the guys and playing a game. There was nothing like it. Baseball practices around the world start off the same way: playing catch. As simple as catch is, it was must more than just tossing the ball back and forth. We joked, laughed, and gossiped about nothing. Bus rides were the best. My first freestyled rap lines were spit in the back of a bus on a trip back from Napa. Just little things like that make me miss the "Baseball Is Life" time of my high school years.

After I graduated high school, I learned quickly that college level baseball was well above my actual skill level. I never really "quit" the sport, I just stopped due to circumstance. I was a freshman in college with new responsibilities. Looking back, I could have walked on and at least tried out, but I was too scared of rejection. I always excelled at all levels of the sport, and I had finally met my match (so I thought). No need for the humiliation, ya know?

The first Spring without baseball was rough. I'd drive to the UC Davis campus and walk to class. Masochistically, I'd walk by the baseball field and see all the guys warming up. The smell of the freshly cut grass taunted me but I still made the walk every day. Now, years later, the thought of actually playing again is long gone. Now I resort to reliving memories by hitting up the batting cages, take some rusty hacks at the ball, and walk away sweaty and tired. This day at the cages last week brought back some of these feelings when I had a conversation with a guy hitting in the next cage.

As I finished a round of swings, the guy in the next cage asked me, "Who do you play for?"

"Uhh, nobody."

"Really?"

"Yeah, I haven't played organized ball for 7 years."

"Wow. I thought you played still because you really have a nice swing. You should think about playing again.."

The comment floored me. I didn't know what to say. He went on to explain that he played for an adult league. He was a little older than me and he told me to consider joining a league similar to his. Honestly, I haven't really though of playing again. Now all the old feelings are coming back. The excitement of Spring crept its way into my soul and I'm really contemplating training to make a comeback next year. Not to A ball or AA ball. Hell, not even a high or mid level adult league. I just want to go back and play catch. I want to go back on the diamond to smile and have fun. All over again.

We finally got our landline installed. One more week until the DSL comes through. Good news? Maybe. Maybe not.

The last few weeks without the Interent have been great. My wife and I have spent a lot more quality time together, typically having dinner around 10:30, which is about an hour after she gets home from work, and talking. Since I started working back in October, we really haven't had a lot of time to just talk. Most of the time, we'd have a little chit chat before we scrambled to have sex since the combination of her work and school schedule, my work and school shedule, her period, and my son being awake made it difficult for our sliding windows of opportunity to coincide with one another. The combination of no Internet access and our son's more reasonable sleep schedule (10-8 instead of 12-10 when we stayed with my folks) has widened these windows of opportunity for both unadulterated sex and pre and post pillowtalk. I realize now how I was truly missing out on quality time with my wife wasting time playing online poker or chatting with friend I chat with all the time.

DSL comes in exactly 7 days. I'm almost positive that I won't be using it as much as I used to.

I KID YOU NOT......PLAY M.A.S.H.

Thanks Nancy!

If you were to ask my son to tell you a secret, he would lean in close to you and whisper, "Monkeys eat bananas". It's kind of funny if you ask me. But it brings up few interesting points. One of which is that we almost always see stating the obvious as being "funny" or "cute", when in most cases the obvious answer will solve most or your problems. The other interesting point is that most secrets are usually not productive in any manner and we are probably better off just keeping these things to ourselves.

Did that makes sense? It shouldn't have.

These Breakdancers Are Everywhere

Stick Em Up

Steak and Blow Job Day

I haven't been getting much sleep lately. We moved into our new apartment last weekend, and as comfy as it is I have to admit that I haven't' gotten quite comfortable. I'm sleeping in the same bed, but the room is a stranger. My buttchecks have yet to contour to the curvaceousness of the toilet seat. The carpet does feel good on my bare feet, but I am still accustomed to walking gingerly on my tip toes across a cold hardwood floor to make some breakfast in the morning. Shower curtains are a new concept since I've spent most of my life showering next to a closed sliding door.

Some things, though, have completely sucked. For one, we have no phoneline. Apparently, the previous tenants just happen to switch their phone carrier to one other than SBC, my preferred phone company of choice. They also forgot to turn off the service. Since the line is still live, SBC cannot set up a phone line for us. For this past week, we've been dealing with SBC and our landlord in an attempt to get this straightened out. We were told by the complex engineers that the problem would be fixed by this past Saturday, but unfortunately I was unsuccessful because the problem has still not been fixed. That problem lead to MY main issue:

NO INTERNET.

Now, I had DSL at my parent's house for a good part of the last couple years. Without a phone number, I have no way to check if my phoneline has DSL available. On top of that, since the phone is out, we cannot even use dial-up service. I seriously cannot believe I just came to terms with the fact that I will be going back to dial-up. I need a shot or nine of rum....

There are some good changes that I can get used to. Now that my son sleeps in a different room, I can come home and unwind watching tv with the volume up. The expansive walk-in closet provides enough room for my clothes, my wife's clothes, and a gang of our shoes. I do, though, have to admit that I have left about 70% of my closet intact at my parents' house, along with about 30 pairs of shoes. So maybe this "pro" is a little premature. Regardless, we have tons of more space.

But the icing on this cake is our freakin' couch. Our new Durapella micro-fiber couch with an attached chaise is easily the biggest hit with not only my family, but the 15 or so guests we've had come through this past week. I spent a pretty penny on that bad boy, but so far it looks to be worth every penny. I'll take a picture of it eventually.

BTW, spent a lot of quality time with Ryan last weekend. Whatever he tells you about me? Don't believe it. It was 10 dollars.

A few more notes from the mind of the smartest idiot you'll ever know....

Every time I step out of the shower, I look at myself in the mirror and wish I bought my wife a smaller vibrator.

The only reason why people are against Gay marriages is because they are looking at the term "marriage" in the spiritual and religious sense, not the legal. Call it "Legal Unions" and 50% of these people against Gay marriages would shut the fuck up. Last time I checked, our government separates church and state.

Let's face it. There should be penis size restrictions included next to some of these Kama Sutra positions. Some of that Lotus shit makes me feel like I need a bottle of Extenze.

The only real status that matters is the status you hold among the people you love.

I'm not sure if I should attribute the fact that I have never gotten into a fight to my ability to avoid violent situations or my inability to protect myself from any type of violent action.

I don't have big hands, but that's okay. You know why? Because they're perfect for holding my dick.

I wonder if people put as much effort into deciding what local officials to vote for as they do in selecting our Nation's president. My guess is that they don't. Pretty pathetic if you ask me.

Free healthcare sounds like a good idea until people realize how shitty service becomes when you get something for free. Do you see personal shoppers at Goodwill? And if there were, would you take their fashion advice?

I don't think there is any situation more uncomfortable than watching parents beat their children in public. I wouldn't even flinch at people having sex in public, but that child beating shit has to stop.

It blows my mind that commercials for medications that help suppress adult ADD are longer than 10 seconds.

My uncle died when I was in 12th grade, and I was one of the pall bearers. Three of the other 5 pall bearers were friends my uncle met at the local senior center. All of them were in their late 60's, early 70's, Filipino, and veterans of the United States Armed Forces. Although I did not know them personally, their stories most likely very similar to that of my uncle. They probably enlisted in the US Armed forces during World War II and helped fight Japanese soldiers off their invaded home islands. They've probably consumed a generous amount of alcohol and smokes their fair share of cigarettes through the years which has resulted in high blood pressure, respiratory problems, and other major health issues that have aged their physical appearance 10-15 years faster than their chronological age. Years later, they joined their children who earlier immigrated to the United States in search of opportunity and the "American Dream". I know this story may be very familiar to others.

During the few times I saw my uncle interact with these men, I couldn't help but think of these men as people who used to be filled with pride and walked with confidence. They had since then been reduced to joking, arguing, interacting like children. Sometimes they would be drunk, curse constantly, and laugh louder than they probably realized. It irked me sometimes because I was taught to respect your elders, but in their current state there seemed to be nothing to respect. All they could do was hang on to past glories. I didn't have the full picture, but from what I saw bothered me.

I was even more annoyed when I realized what lead to my uncle's death. He was a heavy drinker, and his colon cancer was the result. My dad told me stories about my uncle's days as a "big shot" on the streets of Manila. He described him as a punk. Someone who resorted to violence as the only means of problem solving. Many nights he would drink and smoke far more than any man should. He went on to separate from my auntie, my dad's sister, and have children with another woman. He wasn't exactly a model citizen. I wanted to feel sorry for him being in such bad health, but it was the result of bad decisions. I was met with mixed emotions upon his death.

It wasn't until the day we lay my uncle to rest that I realized everything that I didn't see earlier about my uncle and these men, his friends from the senior center. There was one single moment that moved me and pretty much solidified my my feelings and emotions I have towards my uncle, his friends, and the military in general. As they lowered my uncle down, the three men stood tall and saluted my uncle. In an instant, the three men I saw as drunken, arguing children transformed men that were dignified and men of stature. I was overwhelmed by the amount of dignity and respect these men held for each other. The amount of unconditional respect each of these former solders' hold for each other is virtually unparalleled in American Society. They understand what it is like to put your life in another person's hands and it was then that I realized that I am in no position to pass judgement, not only on these men but on anybody I encounter.

There is no time to dwell on the negative. Celebrate the positives in your life before it's too late.

My damn sister keeps sending me forwards...

25 signs that you've grown up:


1. Your house plants are alive, and you can't smoke any of them.

2. Having sex in a twin bed is out of the question.

3. You keep more food than beer in the fridge.

4. 6:00 am is when you get up, not when you go to bed.

5. You hear your favorite song on an elevator.

6. You watch the Weather Channel.

7. Your friends marry and divorce instead of hook up and break up.

8. You go from 130 days of vacation time to 14.

9. Jeans and a sweater no longer qualify as "dressed up."

10. You're the one calling the police because those damn kids next door won't turn down the stereo.

11. Older relatives feel comfortable telling sex jokes around you.

12. You don't know what time Taco Bell closes anymore.

13. Your car insurance goes down and your payments go up.

14. You feed your dog Science Diet instead of McDonald's left overs.

15. Sleeping on the couch makes your back hurt.

16. You no longer take naps from noon to 6PM.

17. Dinner and a movie is the whole date instead of beginning of one.

18. Eating a basket of chicken wings at 3am would severely upset, rather than settle your stomach.

19. You go to the drug store for ibuprofen and antacid, not condoms and pregnancy tests.

20. A $4.00 bottle of wine is no longer "pretty good stuff."

21. You actually eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

22. "I just can't drink like I used to," replaces, "I'm never going to drink that much again."

23. 90% of the time you spend in front of the computer is for real work.

24. You drink at home to save money before going to a bar.

25. You read this entire list looking desperately for one sign that doesn't apply to you and can't find one.

A recent AIM conversation with Nancy, a friend I've known for about 18 years, brought something to the forefront of my mind that I've touched on a few times on this blog, but I have never really addressed it. Nancy and I share about 3 years of Catholic schooling during our elementary years, and with the start of Lent she asked me what I was giving up for the next "40 days".

nancys screename: are you doing the 40 days 40 nights thing
D0NNIEVEGA: what is this "thing" you speak of?
nancys screename: u know.. giving something up for 40 days
D0NNIEVEGA: oh, damn
D0NNIEVEGA: most likely not
nancys screename: ahh..
D0NNIEVEGA: i haven't done anything lent related in like 7 years
nancys screename: still a good catholic boy
D0NNIEVEGA: and on fridays', i'm eating the fuck out of some steak
nancys screename: lol seriously
D0NNIEVEGA: i'm with chris rock
D0NNIEVEGA: i don't think my diet is going to come into question at the pearly gates

Honestly, I heard on something about this past Wednesday being Ash Wednesday, and being a former catholic school kid, Ash Wednesday was always an event. Not so much because it signified the beginning of Lent, but moreso because it meant I got to walk around all day with black shit on my forehead. But I couldn't help but think about how "un-catholic" I have become.

I used to be very active in the church ministries. Nancy still makes fun of me for being in the church choir those years back. During high school, I was a regular at the 5:30 youth mass and participated frequently as an usher or as part of the choir. I was a full blown Catholic and there was no doubt about it. But as I grew older and experienced many different sects of Christian religion, I couldn't help but notice the over abundance of self-righteous fingerpointing between Catholics and Protestants, Christians and Muslims, etc. It made me sick. Hell, it makes me sick. Everybody is caught up in who's method of worship is the "right" way, but they never stop to think that maybe the "right way" is different for every person. I mean, people think you have to go to church every Sunday to live your life right, but I haven't been to church for the most part of the last six years.

I can't say that I stopped going to church because I hated church. When I do make an very rare appearance at my church, I can admit that I like the spiritual feeling I get while praying. But it bothers me how some people can live their lives without being very spiritual and come to church every Sunday because they "have to". I stopped going to church at first because I was always working on Sundays. Now, church doesn't even cross my mind when it's Sunday. I've shaken the habit that I gained from going to church every Sunday of my life until just after I graduated high school. My mom is always telling me I should go to church, but I can't do it. It's not that I hate Catholicism or Christianity, because I do believe in one God and Jesus Christ. I just don't think that there is a set path to walk . I feel that I am very spiritual and that God rewards good deeds and punishes bad deeds. If i spend 5 minutes everyday thankful for what God has given me, that is more than any paper Catholic that shows up every Sunday because of said "habit".

I mean, there are times in church where I will almost cry because I get so caught up in it. It's like opening up your soul and and having it cleansed. Unfortunately, I'd say a good 50% of people in church come in a Pavlovian manner, and pray as soon as they hear a bell ring. I was one of those people for a long time. But I can't say I'm any better than any of these people, because I'm not. My life is far from perfect and I think a few extra visits to church may keep me in check. I guess what I'm really trying to say is that I firmly believe that God is more happy that you pray everyday or at least even acknowledge His existence in your everyday life rather than going to church every Sunday. I mean shit, Lent is great and all, but why the fuck is 40 days more important than any other time of the year. Spirituality is ongoing, not an event. I've had people I KNOW that were living fault lives but had the nerve to get at me because I was eating meat on a Friday during Lent. Shit is kinda fucked up, ya know?

So, with all that said, church isn't for everybody. Christianity isn't for everybody. Spirituality and a belief in a greater good IS for everybody. I think a lot of people miss that point when it comes to organized religion. The thing is, religion doesn't have to be organized in a church or a mosque for it to be effective. It has to be organized in your heart and your soul.

"...tunnelvision,
warped illusion,
the chatterbox is our seclusion
from productivity,
we're gettin' too involved
what you hear is what you see..." - Group Therapy's "Chatterbox"

My dad likes to leave the TV on Fox news when he's sitting in the kitchen nook looking over bills or while working on somebody's taxes. I have to admit that up until two years ago when I watched Michael Moore's "Bowling For Columbine", I never really thought about how much our news media feeds us a steady stream of complete bullshit. I was always skeptical of the validity of television and the media, but I never could put my finger on what made it seem so shady. With this newly tuned ear, I can't help but notice how news channels like FoxNews, MSNBC, etc. focus on only a handful of actual news stories and beat them to absolute death. Recently it's been like this: "Laci Peterson...blah blah blah...War on Terror...blah blah blah....Gay Marriage...blah blah blah...Kerry vs. Bush...blah blah blah...Mel Gibson and "The Passion"...blah blah blah". Whatever, ya know? Now I hear that there are "terror" drills being held in major cities across the nation because of an increased risk of terror attacks.

Right.

Now don't get me wrong. I understand that there is a little truth sprinkled here and there. I also believe that television does have value in many of our lives. But there comes a time when you have to stand up ask why we live in a world that seems so negative. Why is there so much hate? Why is there war? Crime? Violence? Our world is painted on the television screen as something that is not. At least not to me. I wake up everyday and see the innocence in my son's eyes and I can't believe all this shit on TV.

There is definitely something wrong here, and I don't think there are as many bad people as some people want us to believe. I truly believe that we as humans are innately good natured and that there is a perpetuation of fear spread to the masses by the media. We are being scared into consuming to attain status. (If you don't buy this H2 SUV, you will not be cool) We are being scared into acting a certain way. We are scared into consuming items that will "prepare us for the worst" ("stock up on duct tape?". We are scared to the point that we yell, hurt, and murder over absolutely nothing. I wish that instead of all the stories about killing and hurting and just plain evil in the world, that the news media could do a story involving a child's innocence and genuine kindness that we all have in our hearts whether we know it or not. Why aren't the "Good Samaritan" stories we have on our local news stations covered by national news shows? It's probably because since "it doesn't bleed, it doesn't lead". Plus, it wouldn't be lucrative.

TV is good for some things. But in my opinion, it's bad for most. Chatterbox, indeed.

"Gift Wrap" by Living Legends

[Chorus: The Grouch]
I'm about to give you that I love hip-hop feeling
I'm about to give it to you
I said I'm about to give you that I love hip-hop feeling
I'm about to give it to ya (repeat)

[The Grouch]
The same one I had when I first bumped Tribe
Or the vibe that you felt taking that Bizarre Ride
I'm gonna put it in the mix for your own ears to hear
I was a young buck then and feel I've got a lot of years to go
I'm from the O, I felt it through $hort to Hiero
Had my Walkman on everywhere that I'd travel
I'd always babble and quote what other people wrote
Use it as a theme or rule and that was cool for me
Worked it like a tool for me
They thought I was a fool to be
White and writing raps
They thought that I was acting
But I was just stacking up my skill being real
Feeling how I feel and expressin' how I'm stressin'
Now it's my profession and I'm wanting y'all to know
The love that I've got for this hip-hop only grows.

[Chorus]

[PSC]
The best that we can's better than a lot of them
When I meet a Legends fan it's just like another friend
It's the feeling that we give
The music that we live
Negative positive, how you live how you live
Positive memory of what you see, I try to give and be
Inspiration for those who try to come after them or we
Bass lines that pull you in from outside
Or inside or online, when we rhyme it's funtime!
Hands up, stand up, watch me deliver
With delivery and presence, surpassing your ability
Tranquility is silence when violence dominates
If you're the murderers why would I buy the tape?
Self incrimination, self destruction to the nation
Fascination with this death? Oh my I'm losing patience
I got into this music cause I feel y'all listening to radio
Damn they tryin' 2 kill y'all

[Chorus]

[Aesop]
I remember the first time I heard a dope ass rhyme
Yes a fresh ass verse
Or the first time on this earth
I had this thirst
To give it to ya like birth
A piece of my soul more precious than gold
I'm in the crowd man
I'm not too old to give it up
If it's tight I can get wit it
Rush to the store and go get it
Bump it if it's slumpin', hope the lyric's sayin' somethin'
Intellectual, make the beat sound so flexible
I give it to ya like a piece of my mind
Give breath over this beat with mic control refined
Give ya substance when you have nothin' to hold
You can feel this like you're in the front row!!!

[Chorus]

[Murs]
It's like oooo weee
You'd be a fool not to feel this beat knocking out your trunk
Like Mike Tyson with a steel fist
While most of these MCs was out on a field trip
My crew stayed in the lab
See we never had permission to slip
My mission to rip every mic that I'm on
Rap niggas being nice
But I remember last year
They wasn't liking my song
Now I got a couple fans
I'm making cool hits like ice in a bong
Got their bitch on my dick
She looks nice in a thong
And I'm about to give her that
"I love this cock feeling"
And that may be fucked up
But I'm right when I'm wrong
That's don't get along with funny style rap chaps
Who lack the same feeling
That I had way back and still keep to this day
When I used to stay up late just to dub Tech and Sway
But now I got my own wax and I can't get no play?

Notes from the mind of borderline psycho...

I've been to a ton of kiddy parties in my life, but not once have I ever seen the "pinata" portion of the party end without anybody crying.

Mr. Miyagi should have parlayed his healing powers into some sort of 1-800 line. Either that or he should have looked into televangelism. Either way, Hillary Swank could have kicked the shit out of Ralph Macchio.

Do NOT tell anybody what you plan on naming your unborn child unless you like telling people "Well, my kid is older..."

When I come into some money, it's not so much a nominal value of how much I'm worth. It's more of a countdown to me being broke.

I look back to back 10 years ago and I marvel at how clueless I was at the time. People in their 30's tell me that they feel the same way about when they were my age. It makes you realize why old people are so fuckin' ornery. They know more than ever and they're sitting in a pile of their own shit.

After years of masturbating I still can't seem to shake the guilt associated with it, especially when my wife catches me.

The other day I couldn't help but notice how fucked up my toes are. I swear, I'm like two kernels away from a cob down there.

Way too many people are getting married because they are finacially secure. I think people should be required to be broke before they get married. That way they can work out the personality conflicts and what not. Money can give you a false sense of security. Love can give you the false sense of uncertainty.

I'm an advocate for gun control, but I wish these people would stop shooting kids and start shooting people more worthwhile, like themselves.

You know, I was under the impression that anti-spam software was supposed to stop Spam. Silly me.

If Ferris was really an asshole, he would have just let Cameron die in the pool.

I am one of about 15 people that can admit they saw about 25 minutes of Gerard Depardieu's "My Father The Hero" in a movie theatre.

I don't care how hot Halle Berry looked as Storm. If they don't put Psylocke in the next X-Men movie, they are seriously dropping the ball.

Pornos are a bad influence. They have tricked me into believing that the best place for semen is either on a woman's face, chest, or foot.

I haven't taken a shower with my wife in a long time, so you know my back is REALLY dirty.

Last week I realized that I haven't made my monthly visit to Tony Pierce's blog, so I stopped by and read that Moxie posted a picture of herself with Tony. I take a look at the comments to find that someone said something like, "Look the King and Queen of Blogs together" and I swear to you I almost fuckin' vomitted. I don't know. Maybe it's because I'm relatively new and still don't understand why people would hand out such credentials. Forgive me, but I just didn't see it. What the fuck makes their blogs so good? Hit count? Comments? I mean shit, you'd think all that would get to someone's head. You think Tony is bald for nothing?

Bitter? Not really. I can see the appeal of these popular sites. Hell, it's enough to keep me visiting every now and then. A lot of it, especially Tony's, is VERY entertaining. I guess I've always felt that a lot of the more popular blogs are written as if they knew they were being read by hundreds, if not thousands of people a day. Those are the types of blogs that I avoid, simply because if I wanted to read ego-laced literature, I'd read the sports section of my local newspaper. On top of that, at least in the newspaper the topics of discussion would keep me up on the latest and greatest.

I read blogs like Sahalie, probably the most talented writer I've read since I've started blogging. Her words literally paint pictures in my imagination that are so vivid I swear they are tangible. Her mastery of diction is seemingling effortless. The sweetest thing about Sahalie? It all seems 100% geniune. I like reading blogs that I know would be exactly as they are if they knew no one was reading it. You know, the kind that would be in a notebook stashed under a mattress or scribbled on a pad hidden under the phonebook and a few unpaid bills.

But, I can't lie. I know my blog will never appeal to the masses because I write knowing that people that know me more than just a screen name will read it. If you don't "get it", it was never for you to begin with. My wife reads my blog. A lot of my close friends read it, so everything you read has to be 100% authentic or else I'd get checked by one of the 5 people that actually read this.

So, "What is the criteria for a good blog?" is basically what I'm asking. The night I realized that I've been blogging for a year, I took a look though my archives. Just reading through what I have wrote in the past year made all the effort worth it. I wrote all this shit for me. Nobody else. I realized that I am the ultimate benefactor of all this writing. So, after all that I realized that it really doesn't matter what I think about Tony Pierce, or Moxie, or anybody for that matter. Their blog is strictly for them, and no one else. What their readers have to say about them is well out of their control. I am in no position to assume who or what they were written for, because they, nor anyone else is in any position to speak on my motives.

So, after all that, lesson learned. Handle you and yours.

Holy shit. It's been a year to the day that I started blogging and I still don't think anybody reads this shit.

So do me a favor. Check out my archives and find a post you like. Let's vote for Joe's favorite post of the year.

I'm a little too lazy to blog, but here are a few things I've written on message boards around the 'net.

In response to popular trends:

"People put status over style. Throwbacks became a status symbol in our high schools and in our malls. Before that it was Starter parkas and Guess Jeans. Now we have Purple Lable and Von Dutch hats. Now they want to take it to the next level and make status nearly unattainable.

In an attempt to be "different" they fade into the crowd.

Take offense if you want. I dont' care. The fact is that society has brainwashed people into perpetual consumption in their chase for status. Check yourself. "

In response to some good ol' Christian self-righteous fingerpointing:

"I just think it's funny how people will ask you to open your mind and listen to what their saying but refuse to reciprocate.

There is no way you'll teach anybody by saying "You are wrong and we are right", as if you are pontificating from the shoulders of God Himself.

I am very comfortable with my Christian faith, but I have no problem with people who are "in the dark" as someone stated in this thread. I choose to understand the beauty of God and am willing to accept the fact that he takes many forms in order to touch the lives of more people.

Don't fall into the trap that is self-righteous finger pointing. Handle you and yours. Your false sense of righteousness may be your sinful pride in disguise."

Same thread, further along in the discussion:
"I choose to be inclusive with the belief that it is not necessary to believe in Jesus Christ nor be of the Christian faith to live your life as a good person, just as long as you believe that there is a greater good.

I had an experience in my life that made me realize that the people who point fingers the most sometimes fail to walk the path they set for themselves.

At a Christian(Methodist) camp, I was told that I was going to hell because I was Catholic. It baffled me because regardless of how genuine a person I was, or how much I strived to walk the path of God, something as little as a label was enough for someone to condemn me as a sinner.

I'm seeing a lot of that in here. There is a lot of fingerpointing and a complete disregard for the human element. Faith is not black and white. Sprituality is not black and white. There are so many rules and rules of conduct that different religions use to differentiate themselves. I really don't think that by me not going to church every Sunday that I'm going to hell. I eat pork because I seriously doubt that my diet is going to be in question at the Pearly Gates.

The only reason why there are so many different religious is because of little disagreements through out history. People have died over these beliefs. People have killed over these beliefs. It has become more about how you worship instead of just worshipping. But in reality, it doesn't matter what you believe in but THAT YOU BELIEVE."

Dictator or Television Sitcom Character

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That, my friends, is the best thing ever.

True happiness is finally getting your son to pee in his potty.

Time Killers

Poor Penguin

Duck Hunt NES style

Capture The Crown (This one is HARD. Make sure you check out the strategy guide.)

This monologue just a little taste of the great Kevin Smith's writing. The many religious themes that "Dogma" has throughout the movie kind of show the little insecurities and concerns that Kevin Smith has had growing up Catholic. It hit me pretty hard when I first heard it because I am a person that in the past was deep into my Catholicism, but have recently lost touch with my spirituality. To me, this excerpt is probably the most moving scene of this movie.

Just for background, Bartleby (Ben Affleck) and Loki (Matt Damon) are two renegade angels that were kicked out of Heaven for turning their backs on God.

Bartleby:

In the beginning, it was just us and Him. Angels and God. And then He created the humans. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship, bowing and scraping and adoration. But He gave the them more than he ever gave us. He gave them a choice. They can choose to ignore God, choose to acknowledge Him. All this time we've
been down here, everyday I felt the absence of the Divine presence. And it's pained me... as I'm sure it must have pained you. But we feel his absence, and why? Because of the way He made us, as servants. Had we been given free will, we could ignore the pain... like they do, but NO! We're servants.

Loki:

You know, all I'm saying is that one of us might need a nap.

Bartleby:

Wake up!! These humans have besmirched everything that was bestowed upon them. They were given paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists. And in spite of it all he has showed them infinite fuckin' patience at every turn.

The highlight of my day yesterday was laying in bed as I was trying to take a nap before work. I was going over the sounds each letter of the alphabet makes and laughing at fart noises with my son.

I don't really pay attention to national politics. When I vote, it is typically because I am motivated to change things that affect me directly such as state propositions, county bonds and city officials. But there have been a few things that have popped up in the past few weeks in our national arena that have just validated my decision to no involve myself in such things.

Issue #1 - Howard Dean goes all pro-wrestling crazy on us.

After being shown as leading in New Hampshire polls pre-election, Howard Dean gives a very emotional speech to his supporters that sounded more like Hulk Hogan than Bill Clinton. Many saw this outburst as "damaging" and "uncalled for" resulting in a loss of votes and second place in the New Hampshire primaries. Now there's all this talk that he basically ruined his chances as being the Democratic Party's representative at this years presidential election.

What bothers the fuck out of me is that I saw clips of his little crazy man speech on television, and quite honestly it made me like the guy even more. Other than Bill Clinton's frustrated, red-faced, sex scandal testimony, I have never personally seen a politician be so uninhibited of his emotions. We saw a real man yelling like his horse won the Bellmont Stakes. It was an honest moment. Unfortunately, it may be the only honest moment we'll see during this election campaign. They are now saying that he might as well drop out of this election since he ruined his chances by letting down his guard and being honest with his supporters. Something's wrong, yo.

Issue #2 - "We need these candidates to drop out of the election and get behind someone that can beat George W. Bush."

I heard this today on tv as I was on the computer. It bothered me so much I spun around in my chair to see who the moron was that said it. I guess I don't like this whole "Lesser Of Two Evils" thing that we have to deal with. I seriously think there should be imposed limits on the amount a presidential hopeful can spend on their campaigns. It would give people the opportunity to run who are ACTUALLY QUALIFIED to run a country. When I heard that statement today, it put into perspective what we're really doing when we elect officials. Bi-partisanship has fucked our government up, especially at the presidential level.

Now, I'm admittedly probably the least informed person when it comes to politics. It's a sad thing too, that I know a lot of people hold the same indifference I have or are even disgusted with the process, therefore they shut it out. How do you deal with a bureaucracy? Sometimes a bureaucratic system takes as long as it took to be implemented to be removed. It's all messed up. The American voting system is fucked up. What is important is not important and vice versa. Superficiality is something we expect from those who buy into pop culture, not voters. Unfortunately, it's evident in both cases.

So what do we do?

Props to Melissa for the guest appearance. I call her "Ms. Granite" because she rocks. Her guest appearance was the product of a late night/earling morning AIM conversation that went something like this:

Me: Damn, I suck.
Her: No you don't.
Me: Oh. Maybe I don't suck.

We came to the conclusion that I have a lot of repressed feelings. Honestly, the thought of repressed feelings never crossed my mind until she brought it up. I considered this type of shit "artsy fartsy", far from anything I wanted to be a part of. I mean, I never saw myself as creative. I don't do creativity. I never have. Draw? Shit, i can't even color properly. Write? Well, I am admittedly getting better. But writing is not my ideal choice of expression. So where does that leave me? I don't even know.

Life has been moving pretty fast lately. I'm married to a beautiful woman with a beautiful son. I have finally taken steps forward in my career. I've been pretty fuckin' happy, to be quite honest. But I don't think I've stopped to smell the roses. I don't think I've taken the time to fully express my feelings. You ever just cry for the first time in a long time? When you're done crying, you feel really good, as if you needed to release days, months, or even years of anger and frustration. Well, that applies to your negative emotions, right?

So, what do you do with repressed happiness? Share it.

Be happy folks. When all seems lost or when life seems stagnant, find happiness in the small things like finding a dollar in the dryer or receiving a smile from an attractive stranger. I surf though blogs and I have to admit that people bitch way too much (including myself). Stop and take a look at the good things in life. If you're having trouble finding anything, come give me a holler. Call yourself a "measuring stick" because you rule!

stray bullet gospel

Lemme tell ya how it really is.....THIS is the dope truth....I said to Joe 'Drink 45 cups of coffee and close your eyes and blog'....write that shit out, paint it out, make time for it, nurture it, use the tools you have on hand, use MS Paint it's the cheapest canvas out there, what you don't express gets repressed and anything repressed long enough gets expressed in inappropiate ways so ya gotta get shit out of your system, but in ways you've never done it before. Never be idle. If ya gotta sit, sit and read. Intospect. Use time or it will use you. Every second has potential, don't miss it, it's golden. Not inspired? Look for inspiration. Jean-Michel is my muse, who is yours? Don't have one? Get one. I said I was the water, but I'm not the water. The water is the message and it's screaming your name Joe. Life is here, right now. Life is in your face, it's a madman in a flood of power with no direction. Direct it, mold it, get dirty, get some life under your fingernails, you'll love it, you'll get addicted and that's the best part. You said 'Hopfully one day the floodgates will open', I say hope is a drug and one you don't need. You need an outlet, and the outlets are everywhere, just plug in. I tell you this now, so you won't forget the moment you woke up and lived.
Later.
/stray bullet gospel

I can't lie. I'd want to be there with you. Having fun. Making music. Sharing the love. I can be envious sometimes. Hell, it's what I've always wanted to do. But I have responsibilities now. I have things that I need to take care of. Life is different for both of us, and I think it's time we acknowledge it. I think our path split years ago, way before we even knew what we were going to do with our lives. I talk about how much I've been down throughout the years, but honestly you and I know that I'm not around as much as I used to. But you have to admit. You've changed. And not necessarily in a good way.

When I'm in my car, I still put you on and nod my head. I recite the words. This shit bangs. But I think I've become picky. Some of your work doesn't impress me. Actually, sometimes I feel like I need to shut the radio off. It's that bad. I think you forgot how you grew up and all the growing pains you went through. Some people pop up every now and remind you to stay on course. I know that deep down you stay true to your roots. But you continue to put on a facade. Why? I cant' stand it. I know you like I know the back of my hand, or like I know the words to "Humpty Dance". I've studied you. I've put you on my wall and stared at you, not like a fan, but as a friend. I respected what you stood for. You were everything I was and everything I wanted to be: free, uninhibited and honest. You were raw and uncut. On top of that, you gave me a voice in this world when no one was looking out for me.

This isn't goodbye. This is an acknowledgement of a change. You've changed. I've changed. We've changed. You'll see me around. I'll still be down if you want to kick it or if you have a show here and there. But I can't say that I'll be there when you need me. You've done so much for me but I don't think I can trust you. Maybe one day you'll be back and better than ever, but you have a lot of work to do. You'll be fine without me for now, but when all your success is over, you'll know the importance of our relationship.

Thanks.

I chat with Ultrablognetic, Muscle68 and Lil Mija on AIM regularly.

There are some of you who I don't chat with.

Let's change that.

d0nnievega (that's a zero not an O).

Hit me up. I need more friends.

I spend a good deal of my time online and to be quite honest with you it disgusts me.

I remember to way back in high school. My girlfriend used to sweat me all the time because I spent so much time online and not talking to her. She was always worried that I'd find an Internet girlfriend and leave her. Her paranoia led her to check my email all the time just to see what I've been doing. Crazy shit, yo. But the Internet was new to me way back then. She couldn't blame me for the countless hours spent hogging the house phone line.

You know, way back in the days of dial-up. Back in the days of having one phone line? Remember those days? When chat rooms were fun and searching for Internet pornography didn't even cross your mind. Remember counting how many free hours left you had on AOL before they started charging you? Or how about when you had less than 10 people on your buddy list? The Internet was so fuckin' new back then. I can't lie, I used to chat with random girls and ask for their "pic". I used to answer "A/S/L? with "M/Yes/In Your Ass".

The Internet was made for people like me. I didnt' have much game with the ladies in real life. I mean, don't get me wrong. The girls came to me. But as far as approaching girls, I wasn't the best pitch man. The Internet solved this problem for me, as well as millions of other guys like myself and all dorks around the world.

So now I find myself latched on to the 'Net. These days, obviously, its not for the women (but admittedly sometimes the porn) but the friends. The World Wide Web has made the world tiny, and now that tiny world is littered with people I can consider my friends. My mindless uninhibited bullshit can reach millions now.

I've met my fair share of "Internet Friends" in person. The total is literally nearing triple digits. My infatuation with shoes has connected me with hundreds of footwear fanatics around the world, many of which have helped me with deals or hooked it up exclusive information. This whole blog thing has kept me connected to many who don't necessarily have the time to stop by and find out how I'm doing. So, I guess after second thought, maybe the Internet isn't so bad. Sure it takes away from some productivity at work or keeps me away from certain responsibilities at home, but I can't honestly say that I'm always wasting my time.

Word.

The other night my wife and I were cleaning up in the kitchen after we had dinner. She was washing the dishes and I was getting ready to take the garbage out while my 3-year-old son was playing in the family room. He came over to us in the kitchen asking us to play with him, but I cut him off telling him, "We're cleaning right now. We'll play with you when we're done, okay?" He walked back disappointed and I continued out the open sliding back door. I tossed the garbage in the can and came back. I noticed my son wasn't downstairs anymore so I sat in front of the computerto get in one more puzzle game at Candystand.com. When my wife finished up washing the dishes, she came and sat on my lap. I noticed that my son had gone upstairs because the light from the bathroom softly inluminated the dark hallway. Also, the faucet in the bathroom was running at full blast. I asked my wife to go check on our son to see what he was up to.

After waiting for about 2 minutes, my wife came back downstairs smiling.

"What was he doing?", I asked.

She told me that she got to the bathroom and my son was holding a wet rag, scrubbing the bathroom counter. She asked him what he was doing and he said, "Helping you and my daddy clean."

My sister forwarded me this:

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that
person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.


3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."


4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.


5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had
an argument going.


6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.


7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they
notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.


8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.


10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?


11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.


14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?


15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: You're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.




NEW TWISTS TO OLD MEANINGS

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH:
A female moth.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines

2004 is in full effect, and the more things change the more things stay the same. I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow and just like 2003, I'm procrastinating. I got on the scale today and it read "242", which is pretty much my average weight all of last year. I woke up this morning with a list of things to do, and look at me. I'm online and typing on my blog rather than cleaning up the bathroom that right now is the cemetary for about a thousand ants that decided that the last Winter rain storm was a little to harsh to stay outside. Those ants felt my wrath for sure.

I did get something done. I did a load of towels that seem to accumulate rather quickly. I grew up using a towel only once and throwing in in the hamper. My wife gets about 2 uses out one towel before she gives up on it. Between her, my son and myself, I'd say we go through about 16 towels a week which necessitates a weekly washing. Funny thing about this load of laundry? It's been sitting in the dryer for about 2 hours. Oh well, I'll get it eventually.

This morning I woke up and bought myself and 7 other friends tickets to see Mitch Hedberg at the Punchline in San Francisco. I ended up spending a total of 220 duckets, which is a little more than I expected since one of my friends failed to tell me about the 7 dollar service charge for each ticket. Looks like 7 people are buying me drinks that night. I personally can't wait to go. I just like being out on the town these days. I've been locked up at work during the weekends when most nightly activities take place, so this is something I can look forward to.

We watched video from our October Las Vegas trip last night at our yearly post-Christmas gift exchange. It was potluck so we all had our fill before watching the most embarrassing tapes of my life. For one, I realized that I'm way fatter than I think I am. Secondly, being drunk makes me talk loudly and curse uncontrollably. Okay, maybe I'm not exactly much different than anyone else, but there should be a rule about documenting such events, particularly with video tape.

With that said, have a great 2004. We always choose the "New Year" to have new beginnings and to start off fresh, but try to make deliberate steps to improve yourself throughout the year so you don't get caught in the anticipation for a new year. Life is too short to be fuckin' around like that.

Avert the whores in 2004.

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I've finally admitted to myself that I am sick of the shift I am working. 5pm-5am is no fuckin' picnic, regardless of how little work I'm actually doing. I was in a little phase of denial for a while there, telling myself that it was better than nothing, which honestly it is. Having the money is sweet and all, but I know I'm capable of earning more. Shit is buggin' me. I have more schooling than most of the people I work with, but I still get paid far less than someone that has neither a degree nor any technical certifications. What bugs me even more is the fact that I want more money. Scratch that, I need more money. Not so I can live lavishly or anything. I just want to provide my family with the simple things my parents provided me with. Funny thing about that choice of words is the fact that I've learned that there is nothing easy about it. A mortage is fuckin' HARD to pay when you have tons of bills pulling your wallet this way and that way. I'm not even close to accomplishing anything close to that. A quick look at my FICO score last month brought any hopes of purchasing a house within the next year crashing down to reality. Finally get a job: Step Forward. Take a look at my credit report: 3 steps back.

Why am I doing it? I mean, why am I putting myself through this bullshit when I could be looking for something bigger and better. Why have I settled for this job? Well, I've always had this voice in my head telling me that I am worth much more than any employer coulnd see. I feel as if I'm meant to do something huge, maybe not necessarily for my current company, but maybe if they are lucky it will be. I get this feeling all the time. Every time I have a moment to stop and think about anything, there is that voice urging me on and keeping me content with this job. My foot is finally in the door and I have the directions to get to then next floor. What I'll find at the top of this ascension, who knows? All I know is that there is something in my head that tells me that all this bullshit I'm going through right now will lead to my rendezvous with this accomplishment and will serve as my defining moment.

I will never be famous.

I will never be rich.

Fuck social status.

Fuck unattainable standards.

Ignore social norms.

Ignore the laziness that temps your ambition.

Turn off the tv.

Turn off your computer.

Open your eyes.

Open your mind.

The 49ers beat the Eagles yesterday in overtime giving Ryan's Los Ange-er, St. Louis Rams to opportunity to cease home field advantage through out the NFC side of the playoffs. I'm just baffled by the 49ers inability to win on the road, but what is even more mind blowing is their inconsistency. Wins against the Rams, Bucs and Eagles and loses to the Browns and the Cardinals. I don't get it. If we had a half decent kicking game through the 1st half of the season, you know who we'd be? The Rams.

I haven't spoken to Kool Keith in a while. Ryan, Keith and myself used to have AIM chats bullshiting about nothing, but those are only but memory. I think he's lost any motivation to even interact with me now that the realization that his Raiders suck way more than my Niners. 49ers = Dustbuster. Raiders = Kirby. Which sucks more?

If I could suggest anything to Leah, it would be to move out of Calgary for a summer. Leah, spend a couple months in Cali or New York. I think you owe it to yourself. And if you can't get to that, go skiing for fuck's sake. The snow is RIGHT THERE.

When I read Sahalie's blog, I imagine her being someone I can talk to all night. Maybe it's the UC Davis connection or maybe it's the way I interpret her words. Yeah, it's weird, I know. Forget I even said anything.

Bing seems like somebody that would hate me. I used to joke around with Kool Keith how Bing's Toronto bus pass reminded me of a girl I used to talk to in 9th grade, so I was dementedly obsessed with that picture. Don't hate me. Please?

Matt just finished his first semester of junior college and it has become apparent that he already knows what it's like to bomb on an exam. Keep your head up, kid. There's tons more where that came from.

Albert, the Russian equivalent of the lovechild of Boner Stabone and Ivan Drago, is going to be housing Ryan when he comes up here in March. Start stocking up on the Makers. Now.

Jose, one of my best friends in the world has a blog that is very politically motivated. From what started out as regurgitation from things he's read and been taught has evolved into a very strong and educated point of view. I can respect anybody who can take what he/she has learned and be able to create their own position and opinions. We don't get to talk much anymore now that I work, but I know he's there. Big ups, Joser.

Jacob's life is fuckin' crazy.

The drive up to the Sierra at Tahoe ski resort went without a hiccup. The roads were just as clear as the blue skies and with the three of us crammed into my little mystic teal Corolla with our respective snowboards and gear, the day was shaping up to be a good one. We unloaded in the muddy parking lot and I walked ahead of the other two struggling to find a comfortable grip on my blue Santa Cruz snowboard. The snow was noticeably soft and brand spanking new from a heavy snow storm that generously dusted the mountains with over a foot of new snow the past Saturday night.

We purchased our lift tickets and headed towards the lift to Sierra's bunny slope. I couldn't help myself and noted to the other two that the lift that was labeled "The Easy Rider Express" shared it's name with a condom brand. After two runs on the bunny slope it became apparent that my skills did not carry over from the last time I hit the slopes, which was well over 10 months previous to this trip. I was very disappointed and I think I psyched myself out because the next two trips up the lift ended with me falling coming off the lift. I was convinced that I have reached a new level of suck-titude.

Brian and I decided to hit the top of the mountain and go for it. Since Cory was still a beginner, he decided to stay behind to master the bunny slope, allowing us to attack the mountain. The ride on the lift reminded me that I didn't have the proper amount of headwear. My ears were frozen and I couldn't feel my cheeks. I got of the lift rather easily and strapped in and went for it. Brian is a seasoned snowboarder, so it became pretty obvious that I was holding him back, but he was kind enough to slow me the most desirable path down the mountain.

We were pretty lucky because since it was a Monday the slopes were rather empty, and I was given a lot of space to maneuver. At my skill level, I still have to take pretty wide "carves" to remain in control of myself going down the mountain. This freedom resulted in the best boarding I've ever experienced. Don't get me wrong, I still have my fair share of falls, one of which had me checking on my body inventory and praying that I don't crap on myself. When we finally got to the bottom of the mountain, Brian mentioned to me how I'm "beginning to get it". Proud moment, yo.

I got two more full runs down the mountain before we called it a day. I was still itching for more, but since I was on such a performance high, I decided to not push for another run and the risk of ruining the day with a crappy run.

It was a great day. Great snow. Great friends. Can't really ask for anything else.

For your viewing and listening pleasure:

N' Chink

R. Kerry

The first will get boring after a while. The second will keep you laughing. I tested them myself.

I haven't felt like blogging lately. If this seems forced, then understand that it was.

I went to the company Christmas party last night. None of my co-workers were going, but I felt that it would be in my best interest to at least try to meet other people in my company, even if I don't interface with them regularly. When my wife and I arrived to the Presidio Golf Clubhouse, we only saw one familiar face, which happened to be my boss'. But other than him, not one other face looked familiar. Observation #1: I don't know anybody. The 20 or so beat that arrived before us were chatting it up in the lodge-esque, all of them dressed in the "cocktail usual". Most of the guys work dark slacks and a dress shirt. Most of the women were wearing dark dresses and skirts and their best black high heels. As I went to the back of the clubhouse to take full advantage of the free booze, I noticed a lot of the eyes wondering who I was and why they've never seen me before.

As I ordered myself a Crown Royal on the rocks, I eerily felt left out and the feeling was very high schoolish. I quickly zoomed to the feeling I had during my first day of high school. You know, the day that you realized that the world is a lot bigger than you thought it was. You get that feeling your first few days of college and when you're at your at the gym and you're there for your first time. And alone.

I guess not working at the "main" company office had contributed to it, along with the fact that I've been with this company for a mere 2 months. As we stood there, my wife and I couldn't help but notice the free food that waiters were walking around it. Hors D' Oeuvres (I had to look that shit up to make sure I spelled it right) sushi, mushroom and goat cheese something somethings, crackers and cheese. Yo, it was free so we to take advantage. I will admit though that sushi isn't exactly the best finger food. I stopped to humorously mention to my wife that this was the first time I've eaten unagi with a napkin.

Observation #2 consisted of the fact that my company is about 50% sales people and that these sales people all fall under a pretty general category: 25-35 year old white male with trophy blonde wife/girlfriend. On this night, you can also add "drunk" to their attributes. Also included in Observation #2 was that when these sales people get drunk, they get loud and obnoxious. And this was BEFORE dinner was served. Observation #2 also coincided with Excuse #1 to leave the party early. Not because of the white and trophy blonde girlfriend/wife, but because of the whole "loud and obnoxious" thingy.

Dinner was buffet and couldn't have started soon enough. As the waiters walked around telling people that the buffet was open, I couldn't help but walk straight to the food. I mean, I have no shame and I was damn hungry. I noticed that a lot of the other people weren't about to be the first ones, so I gladly made the move. Mashed potatos, check. Green beans, check. Prime rib, check. Roasted turkey, check. I sat down and dug in. The prime rib was excellent, and I even forgot the horse radish. The turkey was dry.

While I finished up, my boy Eugene had a seat next to me. He mentioned to me that my boss feels very good about my hiring and that he's happy with my progress. Great news, eh? As friend of his has a seat in front of us and we get into the coversation I was waiting to get into all night: the conversation that would give me insight on this company I work for. It was a great conversation and I think I held my own. I was intelligent, articulate and like all new employees very eager to learn. I actually had a few good conversations that night and I think people were suprisingly impressed. It felt good. I carried myself well, I impressed those I conversed with and I had a beatiful woman on my arm. Another thing that made me feel good about my job was the fact that no one I talked to had anything bad to say about the company. typically you have the "Office Space" conversations at work functions. "This shit sucks" or "I wish so and so would listen to me". None of that talk was heard. I had the opportunity to speak with the CEO, who's son happens to work with me at my office. He mentioned that he's heard nothing but good things about me. Bullshit smalltalk or genuine words, I don't really care. Either way, it's good. He looks like a good guy

After dinner and a few conversations, my wife and I decided to leave. The akwardness never really left our stomachs and we really just wanted to hang out at the house and watch a DVD I just bought. Said my goodbyes and we walked to the car under the soft San Francisco drizzle feeling pretty good about my job and my company.

BTW, my wife LOVED Bad Boys 2, as well. Not a bad way to kick off my work week.

The power of certain words sometimes moves me to make right what has been wrong for so long. These days, people use the words "race" and "ethnicity" interchangeably. In my educated opinion, I feel that "race" is a term that really holds no meaning. The only legitimate "race" is the human race. Any other use of the word irritates me to the point of actually writing about it. The following are a few posts I made on a message board when an issue between "race" and "ethnicity" came up.

---

In the context of American society, Race is based specifically on APPEARANCE rather than actual ethnicity. The white RACE. The black RACE. The Asian RACE. There is nothing ethnically descriptive with any of those racial terms other than appearance.

I mean, I can write an entire thesis based on years of research proving that race is a false concept that is perpetuated by the media to further divide people.

But yo, if it's a word that happens to be "in the dictionary", I HAVE to be wrong, right?

---

This post I wrote in response to the contention that the term "Race" is only slighty different than "Ethnicity".

---

Slighty?

Are you trying to tell me that calling someone "white" is somehow just like calling someone "German"?

Let's take this a little further:

Wouldn't people from both Russia and the UK be considered part of the "white" race? In terms of race, YES because of the color of their skin. In terms of ethnicity, HELL NO.

Are people who are Ethiopian considered "black" in the same sense that people from Haiti and Trinidad are "black". The fact is that "black" is not an adequate term because it only tells you what they look like, not the history of their genealogy.

Another great example is the varying colors of skin you will see in the country of Brazil. If you know anything about South American colonialism, you'll know that the population of Brazil is an amalgamation of British colonists, Portuguese colonists, African slaves and indigenous people. What this mixture of people is a people with a wide range of varying skin tones. Brazilian can be anything from a dark, African-like skin tone all the way to a blonde haired, light skinned European skin tone. But are you trying to tell me that even though they are "Brazilian" one is black and one is white in terms of race? They all have identical genealogies but through the years dominant and recessive traits took different turns with each individual, but it doesn't make them much different on the genetic level.

What YOU are saying is that ethnicity and race are basically the same. What I am saying is that they are completely different things. "Race" has been a term that is being misused everywhere in our society. It has become an acceptable form of virtual segregation. Unfortunately, the use of that term is inaccurate, dated, and completely wrong.

36. 40. The first number is the number of presents my wife and I have bought so far. The second number is the total amount of presents we have to buy for Christmas. Not bad, eh?

I'm heading to 24 Hour after my shift today. Being that it's my first time ever joining a gym,Ryan was kind enough to give me a few tips on a work out routine and gym etiquette. Not too shaby. Thanks man.

I finally got a haircut on Monday. It's pretty damn sharp if you ask me. Too bad I have this huge ass zit on my forehead.

I don't regret the conversation we had yesterday. Sometimes you have to take a step back before you can take two steps forward. I've seen our future in a different light these past few months, and I think it was selfish for me to assume you had the same perspective. Come to think of it, I was probably blocking your view with the back of my head. I know it hurt to hear how disappointed I was. I still am. Admittedly, it also hurts to know that someone you love so much and see as your better half failed fulfill certain expectations. Looking back, I couldn't have possibly expected you to know and understand. We never really talked about it. I also didn't put your thoughts and feelings into account. I may be disappointed, but I don't love you any less. I don't see you as a lesser person. All I ask is for you to take my hand and walk with me. As we're walking, I can tell you what I see and you can do the same. I'll help you up every hill and pick you up when there's an unmanagable puddle. I promise that if we get lost I won't abandon you. We need to find a way to make "it" happen and I can't do it alone.

Please take my hand and walk with me. Please?

I enter this Christmas season with mixed feelings.

Christmas has become such a commercial event that it makes me sick. There are all these people scrambling around trying to buy just the right present. Television is on 24/7 Amber Alert reminding you that if you get someone a shitty present, they won't love you anymore. I mean, kids are making their parents bend over backwards just to get the present they so desperately need (read: want). It's bullshit. What did they do? Is it their birthday or something? Did they somehow lose any notion that Christmas celebrates the birth of God's only son? Kids don't even give back to their parents. While mom or dad are at Toy 'R Us trying to find that X-Box Junior told them to buy for him, Junior is online telling his Internet friends how much he hates his parents. Then, come Christmas day, Junior is playing his X-Box while mom and dad have to clean up after his messy ass and put away the card he bought them with his mom's money. I don't get that shit.

I know "It's the thought that counts", but I get this feeling that even the thought isn't being represented. I mean, what the fuck does Santa Claus stand for? Christmas has become as meaningless tournament games for 3rd place. Don't get me wrong, I love giving presents. I take this opportunity to thank people who I haven't thanked enough. And I'm sure that a lot of people feel the same way. But that fuckin' chatterbox that we call a television has got a lot of us brainwashed into consuming. Not because we want to or because we have to, but because society has told us that it is a normal event.

I know tons of parents that would rather have their kids other family members tell them that they are loved than receiving a present. The chatterbox has us believing that we can gain status and happiness through material goods when all we really need is love.

Fuck a present. Find some love and spread that around this Christmas season.