Time Killers

Poor Penguin

Duck Hunt NES style

Capture The Crown (This one is HARD. Make sure you check out the strategy guide.)

This monologue just a little taste of the great Kevin Smith's writing. The many religious themes that "Dogma" has throughout the movie kind of show the little insecurities and concerns that Kevin Smith has had growing up Catholic. It hit me pretty hard when I first heard it because I am a person that in the past was deep into my Catholicism, but have recently lost touch with my spirituality. To me, this excerpt is probably the most moving scene of this movie.

Just for background, Bartleby (Ben Affleck) and Loki (Matt Damon) are two renegade angels that were kicked out of Heaven for turning their backs on God.

Bartleby:

In the beginning, it was just us and Him. Angels and God. And then He created the humans. Ours was designed to be a life of servitude and worship, bowing and scraping and adoration. But He gave the them more than he ever gave us. He gave them a choice. They can choose to ignore God, choose to acknowledge Him. All this time we've
been down here, everyday I felt the absence of the Divine presence. And it's pained me... as I'm sure it must have pained you. But we feel his absence, and why? Because of the way He made us, as servants. Had we been given free will, we could ignore the pain... like they do, but NO! We're servants.

Loki:

You know, all I'm saying is that one of us might need a nap.

Bartleby:

Wake up!! These humans have besmirched everything that was bestowed upon them. They were given paradise, they threw it away. They were given this planet, they destroyed it. They were favored best among all His endeavors, and some of them don't even believe He exists. And in spite of it all he has showed them infinite fuckin' patience at every turn.

The highlight of my day yesterday was laying in bed as I was trying to take a nap before work. I was going over the sounds each letter of the alphabet makes and laughing at fart noises with my son.

I don't really pay attention to national politics. When I vote, it is typically because I am motivated to change things that affect me directly such as state propositions, county bonds and city officials. But there have been a few things that have popped up in the past few weeks in our national arena that have just validated my decision to no involve myself in such things.

Issue #1 - Howard Dean goes all pro-wrestling crazy on us.

After being shown as leading in New Hampshire polls pre-election, Howard Dean gives a very emotional speech to his supporters that sounded more like Hulk Hogan than Bill Clinton. Many saw this outburst as "damaging" and "uncalled for" resulting in a loss of votes and second place in the New Hampshire primaries. Now there's all this talk that he basically ruined his chances as being the Democratic Party's representative at this years presidential election.

What bothers the fuck out of me is that I saw clips of his little crazy man speech on television, and quite honestly it made me like the guy even more. Other than Bill Clinton's frustrated, red-faced, sex scandal testimony, I have never personally seen a politician be so uninhibited of his emotions. We saw a real man yelling like his horse won the Bellmont Stakes. It was an honest moment. Unfortunately, it may be the only honest moment we'll see during this election campaign. They are now saying that he might as well drop out of this election since he ruined his chances by letting down his guard and being honest with his supporters. Something's wrong, yo.

Issue #2 - "We need these candidates to drop out of the election and get behind someone that can beat George W. Bush."

I heard this today on tv as I was on the computer. It bothered me so much I spun around in my chair to see who the moron was that said it. I guess I don't like this whole "Lesser Of Two Evils" thing that we have to deal with. I seriously think there should be imposed limits on the amount a presidential hopeful can spend on their campaigns. It would give people the opportunity to run who are ACTUALLY QUALIFIED to run a country. When I heard that statement today, it put into perspective what we're really doing when we elect officials. Bi-partisanship has fucked our government up, especially at the presidential level.

Now, I'm admittedly probably the least informed person when it comes to politics. It's a sad thing too, that I know a lot of people hold the same indifference I have or are even disgusted with the process, therefore they shut it out. How do you deal with a bureaucracy? Sometimes a bureaucratic system takes as long as it took to be implemented to be removed. It's all messed up. The American voting system is fucked up. What is important is not important and vice versa. Superficiality is something we expect from those who buy into pop culture, not voters. Unfortunately, it's evident in both cases.

So what do we do?

Props to Melissa for the guest appearance. I call her "Ms. Granite" because she rocks. Her guest appearance was the product of a late night/earling morning AIM conversation that went something like this:

Me: Damn, I suck.
Her: No you don't.
Me: Oh. Maybe I don't suck.

We came to the conclusion that I have a lot of repressed feelings. Honestly, the thought of repressed feelings never crossed my mind until she brought it up. I considered this type of shit "artsy fartsy", far from anything I wanted to be a part of. I mean, I never saw myself as creative. I don't do creativity. I never have. Draw? Shit, i can't even color properly. Write? Well, I am admittedly getting better. But writing is not my ideal choice of expression. So where does that leave me? I don't even know.

Life has been moving pretty fast lately. I'm married to a beautiful woman with a beautiful son. I have finally taken steps forward in my career. I've been pretty fuckin' happy, to be quite honest. But I don't think I've stopped to smell the roses. I don't think I've taken the time to fully express my feelings. You ever just cry for the first time in a long time? When you're done crying, you feel really good, as if you needed to release days, months, or even years of anger and frustration. Well, that applies to your negative emotions, right?

So, what do you do with repressed happiness? Share it.

Be happy folks. When all seems lost or when life seems stagnant, find happiness in the small things like finding a dollar in the dryer or receiving a smile from an attractive stranger. I surf though blogs and I have to admit that people bitch way too much (including myself). Stop and take a look at the good things in life. If you're having trouble finding anything, come give me a holler. Call yourself a "measuring stick" because you rule!

stray bullet gospel

Lemme tell ya how it really is.....THIS is the dope truth....I said to Joe 'Drink 45 cups of coffee and close your eyes and blog'....write that shit out, paint it out, make time for it, nurture it, use the tools you have on hand, use MS Paint it's the cheapest canvas out there, what you don't express gets repressed and anything repressed long enough gets expressed in inappropiate ways so ya gotta get shit out of your system, but in ways you've never done it before. Never be idle. If ya gotta sit, sit and read. Intospect. Use time or it will use you. Every second has potential, don't miss it, it's golden. Not inspired? Look for inspiration. Jean-Michel is my muse, who is yours? Don't have one? Get one. I said I was the water, but I'm not the water. The water is the message and it's screaming your name Joe. Life is here, right now. Life is in your face, it's a madman in a flood of power with no direction. Direct it, mold it, get dirty, get some life under your fingernails, you'll love it, you'll get addicted and that's the best part. You said 'Hopfully one day the floodgates will open', I say hope is a drug and one you don't need. You need an outlet, and the outlets are everywhere, just plug in. I tell you this now, so you won't forget the moment you woke up and lived.
Later.
/stray bullet gospel

I can't lie. I'd want to be there with you. Having fun. Making music. Sharing the love. I can be envious sometimes. Hell, it's what I've always wanted to do. But I have responsibilities now. I have things that I need to take care of. Life is different for both of us, and I think it's time we acknowledge it. I think our path split years ago, way before we even knew what we were going to do with our lives. I talk about how much I've been down throughout the years, but honestly you and I know that I'm not around as much as I used to. But you have to admit. You've changed. And not necessarily in a good way.

When I'm in my car, I still put you on and nod my head. I recite the words. This shit bangs. But I think I've become picky. Some of your work doesn't impress me. Actually, sometimes I feel like I need to shut the radio off. It's that bad. I think you forgot how you grew up and all the growing pains you went through. Some people pop up every now and remind you to stay on course. I know that deep down you stay true to your roots. But you continue to put on a facade. Why? I cant' stand it. I know you like I know the back of my hand, or like I know the words to "Humpty Dance". I've studied you. I've put you on my wall and stared at you, not like a fan, but as a friend. I respected what you stood for. You were everything I was and everything I wanted to be: free, uninhibited and honest. You were raw and uncut. On top of that, you gave me a voice in this world when no one was looking out for me.

This isn't goodbye. This is an acknowledgement of a change. You've changed. I've changed. We've changed. You'll see me around. I'll still be down if you want to kick it or if you have a show here and there. But I can't say that I'll be there when you need me. You've done so much for me but I don't think I can trust you. Maybe one day you'll be back and better than ever, but you have a lot of work to do. You'll be fine without me for now, but when all your success is over, you'll know the importance of our relationship.

Thanks.

I chat with Ultrablognetic, Muscle68 and Lil Mija on AIM regularly.

There are some of you who I don't chat with.

Let's change that.

d0nnievega (that's a zero not an O).

Hit me up. I need more friends.

I spend a good deal of my time online and to be quite honest with you it disgusts me.

I remember to way back in high school. My girlfriend used to sweat me all the time because I spent so much time online and not talking to her. She was always worried that I'd find an Internet girlfriend and leave her. Her paranoia led her to check my email all the time just to see what I've been doing. Crazy shit, yo. But the Internet was new to me way back then. She couldn't blame me for the countless hours spent hogging the house phone line.

You know, way back in the days of dial-up. Back in the days of having one phone line? Remember those days? When chat rooms were fun and searching for Internet pornography didn't even cross your mind. Remember counting how many free hours left you had on AOL before they started charging you? Or how about when you had less than 10 people on your buddy list? The Internet was so fuckin' new back then. I can't lie, I used to chat with random girls and ask for their "pic". I used to answer "A/S/L? with "M/Yes/In Your Ass".

The Internet was made for people like me. I didnt' have much game with the ladies in real life. I mean, don't get me wrong. The girls came to me. But as far as approaching girls, I wasn't the best pitch man. The Internet solved this problem for me, as well as millions of other guys like myself and all dorks around the world.

So now I find myself latched on to the 'Net. These days, obviously, its not for the women (but admittedly sometimes the porn) but the friends. The World Wide Web has made the world tiny, and now that tiny world is littered with people I can consider my friends. My mindless uninhibited bullshit can reach millions now.

I've met my fair share of "Internet Friends" in person. The total is literally nearing triple digits. My infatuation with shoes has connected me with hundreds of footwear fanatics around the world, many of which have helped me with deals or hooked it up exclusive information. This whole blog thing has kept me connected to many who don't necessarily have the time to stop by and find out how I'm doing. So, I guess after second thought, maybe the Internet isn't so bad. Sure it takes away from some productivity at work or keeps me away from certain responsibilities at home, but I can't honestly say that I'm always wasting my time.

Word.

The other night my wife and I were cleaning up in the kitchen after we had dinner. She was washing the dishes and I was getting ready to take the garbage out while my 3-year-old son was playing in the family room. He came over to us in the kitchen asking us to play with him, but I cut him off telling him, "We're cleaning right now. We'll play with you when we're done, okay?" He walked back disappointed and I continued out the open sliding back door. I tossed the garbage in the can and came back. I noticed my son wasn't downstairs anymore so I sat in front of the computerto get in one more puzzle game at Candystand.com. When my wife finished up washing the dishes, she came and sat on my lap. I noticed that my son had gone upstairs because the light from the bathroom softly inluminated the dark hallway. Also, the faucet in the bathroom was running at full blast. I asked my wife to go check on our son to see what he was up to.

After waiting for about 2 minutes, my wife came back downstairs smiling.

"What was he doing?", I asked.

She told me that she got to the bathroom and my son was holding a wet rag, scrubbing the bathroom counter. She asked him what he was doing and he said, "Helping you and my daddy clean."

My sister forwarded me this:

1. Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day; teach that
person to use the Internet and they won't bother you for weeks.


2. Some people are like Slinkies . . . not really good for anything,
but you still can't help but smile when you see one tumble down the
stairs.


3. I read recipes the same way I read science fiction. I get to the
end and I think, "Well, that's not going to happen."


4. Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals
dying of nothing.


5. The other night I ate at a real family restaurant. Every table had
an argument going.


6. Have you noticed since everyone has a camcorder these days no one talks about seeing UFOs like they use to.


7. According to a recent survey, men say the first thing they notice
about a woman is their eyes, and women say the first thing they
notice about men is they're a bunch of liars.


8. Whenever I feel blue, I start breathing again.


9. All of us could take a lesson from the weather. It pays no
attention to criticism.


10. Have you noticed that a slight tax increase costs you two hundred dollars and a substantial tax cut saves you thirty cents?


11. In the 60's people took acid to make the world weird. Now the
world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.


12. Politics is supposed to be the second oldest profession. I have
come to realize that it bears a very close resemblance to the first.


13. There is a theory which states that if ever anybody discovers
exactly what the Universe is for and why it is here, it will instantly
disappear and be replaced by something even more bizarre and
inexplicable. There is another theory which states that this has
already happened.


14. How is it one careless match can start a forest fire, but it
takes a whole box to start a campfire?


15. You read about all these terrorists--most of them came here
legally, but they hung around on these expired visas, some for as long as 10-15 years. Now, compare that to Blockbuster: You're two days late with a video and those people are all over you. Let's put Blockbuster in charge of immigration.




NEW TWISTS TO OLD MEANINGS

A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.

BEAUTY PARLOUR:
A place where women curl up and dye.

CANNIBAL:
Someone who is fed up with people.

CHICKENS:
The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.

COMMITTEE:
A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.

DUST:
Mud with the juice squeezed out.

EGOTIST:
Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.

GOSSIP:
A person who will never tell a lie if the truth will do more damage.

HANDKERCHIEF:
Cold Storage.

INFLATION:
Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.

MYTH:
A female moth.

MOSQUITO:
An insect that makes you like flies better.

RAISIN:
Grape with a sunburn.

SECRET:
Something you tell to one person at a time.

SKELETON:
A bunch of bones with the person scraped off.

TOOTHACHE:
The pain that drives you to extraction.

TOMORROW:
One of the greatest labour saving devices of today.

YAWN:
An honest opinion openly expressed.

WRINKLES:
Something other people have. You have character lines

2004 is in full effect, and the more things change the more things stay the same. I have a 5 page paper due tomorrow and just like 2003, I'm procrastinating. I got on the scale today and it read "242", which is pretty much my average weight all of last year. I woke up this morning with a list of things to do, and look at me. I'm online and typing on my blog rather than cleaning up the bathroom that right now is the cemetary for about a thousand ants that decided that the last Winter rain storm was a little to harsh to stay outside. Those ants felt my wrath for sure.

I did get something done. I did a load of towels that seem to accumulate rather quickly. I grew up using a towel only once and throwing in in the hamper. My wife gets about 2 uses out one towel before she gives up on it. Between her, my son and myself, I'd say we go through about 16 towels a week which necessitates a weekly washing. Funny thing about this load of laundry? It's been sitting in the dryer for about 2 hours. Oh well, I'll get it eventually.

This morning I woke up and bought myself and 7 other friends tickets to see Mitch Hedberg at the Punchline in San Francisco. I ended up spending a total of 220 duckets, which is a little more than I expected since one of my friends failed to tell me about the 7 dollar service charge for each ticket. Looks like 7 people are buying me drinks that night. I personally can't wait to go. I just like being out on the town these days. I've been locked up at work during the weekends when most nightly activities take place, so this is something I can look forward to.

We watched video from our October Las Vegas trip last night at our yearly post-Christmas gift exchange. It was potluck so we all had our fill before watching the most embarrassing tapes of my life. For one, I realized that I'm way fatter than I think I am. Secondly, being drunk makes me talk loudly and curse uncontrollably. Okay, maybe I'm not exactly much different than anyone else, but there should be a rule about documenting such events, particularly with video tape.

With that said, have a great 2004. We always choose the "New Year" to have new beginnings and to start off fresh, but try to make deliberate steps to improve yourself throughout the year so you don't get caught in the anticipation for a new year. Life is too short to be fuckin' around like that.

Avert the whores in 2004.