Sunday, October 22, 2006

In junior high, I remember one time getting ready for school, walking halfway up the hill on my way to the bus stop only to remember it was a holiday.

I also remember getting ready for school once when I was late. I just grabbed some jeans off the floor and ran to the bus stop. As I was running, I felt a sock from the day before fall out of a pants leg. I thought about stopping, but I was late.
I walked past my sock every day to and from the bus stop for months until it finally disappeared.

Sunday, October 15, 2006



It's really no secret: I've been sucked up into the Lost bandwagon and am now spending my weeks waiting for Wednesday night. My wife and I really started watching about 3 months ago when I snagged the first couple episodes off the web. Then Kenny gave me his copy of the Season 1 DVD's and it was over. We finished Season 2 the day Season 3 started, and it's now all good in the hood.

It's been a while since I've been so caught up on a current television show. I really like Fox's House, which kicks all kinds of ass. But we've been seriously slacking on watching our DVR'd episodes. New episodes are on hiatus now during the MLB playoffs and World Series, so hopefully we'll be able to catch on.

I really can't stress how awesome having a DVR is. It's great. My life doesn't stop if a show I really need to watch comes on. I can just record it conveniently and watch it when I want to. It's great.

Monday, September 04, 2006

I'm really taking the death of "Crocadile Hunter" Steve Irwin harder than I thought I would.

I mean, it's not like I'm going to cry or anything. But it's definitely something that bothers me. I've been really thinking about my own mortality lately. Not even "lately". I was thinking about it last night. I haven't really been dwelling on the fact that I will eventually die, but how I'll meet my demise. I didn't want to put my family through that pain. I want to be around for them forever.

I don't know. It's a weird thing thinking about our mortality. We're so caught up in our everyday lives that sometimes we don't appreciate that we're here to see another day. As corny as it sounds, it makes sense. I'll take more time to sit around with my family, hold my baby in my arms, put my arm around my son, and take glances at my wife wondering to myself what the hell she's doing with a piece of shit like me.

Tuesday, June 27, 2006


"Bossy" may be the one of the worst new slang terms to come about in recent years.

But I'll be damned if I wasn't saying "I'm BOSSY!" like all day yesterday.

Fuck that song. Seriously.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I was driving by the cemetery yesterday on my way home from work and I saw a lady standing next to a grave, looking down and wiping tears away from her eyes.

I couldn't help but start crying there in my car.

Not necessarily because I felt bad for the lady, but because I thought about how it is inevitable that one day I will be in the same position as she is. Looking down at my own father's grave and wishing he was still around.

I've never been really close with my dad. We never really had sitdown talks that went all night. We didn't play catch together or anything that most would consider normal in a father/son relationship. He's simply not the loving kind of father. He's a no-nonsense, lead by example, do your work and go home kind of guy. He stressed constantly about paying bills and providing for his family financially.

It's definitely taken it's toll on him. Hypertension and other health issues are signs that he worried more about our wellbeing than his own. He's now retired at home doing a lot of nothing, and I'm working supporting my own family. Thankfully, he doesn't have to worry about me as much. So we actually have a better relationship now than we've ever had. He no longer is stressed out about how I'm going to "turn out" and whether or not he did enough to make sure I succeed in life.

Maybe it's because I understand him more. I have my own family that I loose sleep over. He was the same way. I've mentioned it before, but the reason why he waited so long to get married and start a family was because he wanted to make sure he could support one. He was and is that thoughtful.

Or maybe he understands me more. He knows that I'm struggling to take care of my family. He knows that I'm not the selfish, irresponsible kid that he used to have to bail out of bad situations almost on a weekly basis.

Maybe I'm selfish. I want him around forever. Not because he's helpful with my kids when I need it or because he's handy around the house. But because we finally know each other. We understand each other. He doesn't ever have to tell me that he loves me. I know he does. He's shown it time and time again. I really don't know if there's anything I can do or say that can express how truly grateful I am of him and what he's done for me and my own family.

That's why I dread the day I'll have to come to the cemetery on Father's Day and cry that he's no longer around. Because no matter what I do from here on out, I'll still feel like I haven't even come close to reciprocating what he has given me these last 26 years.

Tuesday, May 23, 2006




The antics of Hard Gay Razor Ramon may be the funniest things I've ever seen.

Ever.

Thank God for Japan. They know the funny.

And for those not in the know, youtube.com is your friend.

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

For the many of us that have moved out of an apartment in the past, there is a familiar feeling towards the end of the move that literally comes out of no where:

"Fuck the deposit."

I really don't give a shit anymore. Keep the 300 or 500 dollars or whatever I wrote out. I don't feel like cleaning up this mess that has accumulated over the last 2 years.

That coffee stain on the carpet, smack dab in the middle of the living room? Yeah, I did that shit. I'm sure they'll notice the rough patch of carpet just in front of the front door.

That's a semen stain. Yes, I tried to take it out. No, I don't give a shit. Yes, I laughed to myself every time I saw someone step on it.

And the bathroom? Fuck the bathroom. I'm grabbing my tooth brush, my tooth paste, and I'm out. You can keep the piss stains.

The place is a mess. And today, the moves are coming to take all the furniture and the dozens of boxes we've packed. And when that's all gone, I'm sure what will happen. I'll care less. You know how people always say "I couldn't care less"? Well, you can. And it's when you realize that your deposit isn't worth the effort to clean up the rest of the apartment.

Monday, May 15, 2006

I had some bloodwork done a couple weeks ago and I found out that I may have some degree of liver damage.

I haven't had an alcoholic beverage since.

My next doctor's appointment is Friday and I'll find out how bad the damage really is. Even if it is just minor damage, I don't think I'll be drinking much anymore.

I went to a funeral last month and there's nothing like a good funeral to make you more aware of your own mortality. It's unavoidable. You're going to die, right? But I'd like to make an impact on the lives of my children and my childrens' children in a positive way before I croak.

I simply can't do that if I keep abusing alcohol.

Next on the list? Cardiovascular heath. While I'm simply a social smoker averaging one cigarette a week, I still smoke. On top of that my stamina isn't what it was even 6 months ago when I was a regular at the gym. It's time to step the game up.

An additional silver lining to this extra work? I'm ramping up for my 10 year high school reunion next year. I'm fat. I get it. But I can't be too fat.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

I never really understood what it meant to not have enough hours in the day, save for the tens of times I've procrastinated on a project or paper for school. But ever since my wife has gone back to work, there simply aren't enough hours in the day to do what I'd like to accomplish in a day.

I really don't think many people understand what my wife and I are going through. Our interaction during the work week is minimal. On days that we both work (which is four days out of the week), we see each other for literally an hour and a half before I have to get to bed. And that short period of time include dinner and after-dinner clean up.

I literally have time in my work day to get up, go to work, pick up my daughter from daycare, pick up my son from school, go home and take care of the kids, prepare dinner, eat, and get back to sleep. What's gone from my schedule? No more working out. No more playing basketball. Simply stated, there just isn't any time to waste.

Oh well. It can only get easier from here.

On a side note, I was supposed to get a raise a month ago and these mother fuckers haven't put it through. The combination of retardedly high gas prices and my damn commute is putting a hurt on my wallet. It looks like the gas milage of my crappy Toyota is the silver lining in having to drive a crappy Corolla.

Saturday, April 15, 2006

The following is an extension of some discussion we had on Joser's blog and a direct response to "Religion II" .

I think that there's this misconception on the political left that people of faith are generally self-righteous, finger-pointing, close-minded, fundamentalists that are limited in perspective and open-mindedness..

I can see that under a certain light, so I can understand that point of view. I can understand why someone would shun almost anything related to religion. Wars are fought over hundreds of years over religious beliefs. Murders are justified. Hatred is validated. Race and gender oppression is upheld.

But in the scope of American society, I think it is almost reckless to lump in people of faith with those that are obviously on an extreme end of the spectrum. Many people on the political right have been using their Christian beliefs to form the basis of their policital platforms.

But the majority (the FAR majority) of religious Americans don't care that people disagree with them religiously. They use religion as a moral standard. Not as a rigid set of rules that should be applied to the masses but as a set of suggestions to be applied when applicable.

They just want their beliefs to be respected. Period.

So with that said, lumping in those of faith together and labeling them as "closed minded" and "quaint", are JUST as guilty as those on the right who claim that Democrats that don't agree with the Evangelical Christian "morality" that has taken over the Republican party are "godless" and "without moral fiber". It goes both ways. Liberals forget that the far political Left can alienate those who share the majority of their political and social beliefs. It's the reason why George Bush is still the president of The United States of America.

The majority of liberal America can separate their faith and their social and political responsibility. The separating line between church and state are definitely being blurred, especially by the political conservatives that are using the emotional attachment of religion to advance their agenda. But as a liberal, being told that my faith in God hinders my ability to properly view the world is a) insulting, and b) completely wrong.

Tuesday, April 11, 2006

Appreciated



The last dance scene of Dirty Dancing.

It starts with one of the best line in any movie ever:

"Nobody puts Baby in the corner."

The delivery by Swayze was of Poitier caliber. And the reaction by Jerry Orbach (Rest In Peace)was golden.

Bill Medley and Jennifer Warnes brought the heat with "Time Of My Life". The climax with the lift. It was just perfect. I really can't same more about it except for the extremely corny look you get from Swayze after he jumps off the stage, lands, and looks up, still on beat.

On a side note, was Francis' sister retarded? I mean, shit.

Sunday, March 05, 2006

This may be the single greatest invention ever:

Not Safe For Work

Wednesday, February 22, 2006

The stress and just overall draining nature of having to commute and hour to and from work is really starting to get to me. I'm literally on edge, and every little thing seems to push me another step or two towards stage left. It's simply not worth the extra effort and stress when it's become blatantly obvious that the respect and loyalty you hold for your employer is not mutual.

And I can understand it, honestly. I'm not exactly the ideal employee in the position I was hired for. Don't get me wrong. At the time I was hired, they couldn't have been any more lucky. I had the education and skillset for the position. And more importantly, I was willing to work for peanuts and lint. It was a marriage made in IT heaven.

But since then, the company has grown and the job has evolved into some other beast that apparently I'm not well suited for. Interestingly enough, the majority of people they have hired in the last two years aren't really suited for what they are expecting out of this position any longer. I can understand that. That's cool with me.

But there are certain things that are being said and that are being done that are simply unnerving, and quite frankly borderline mean spirited and uncalled for. It's one thing to say that a specific job has evolved to the point where I may no longer fit the job description. That's fine. That's constructive. That's something I can work towards and meet. But when it's become abundantly clear that my work is not respected, not appreciated, and not welcome, fuck that. That's disrespectful. That's hurtful. And honestly, it's completely untrue.

So fuck all this. Never once in my life have I thought about just walking out on a job. Well, that's a lie. I've thought of it before, but I've never been so close to it as I was yesterday. I was literally thisclose to just walking out and throwing away the last 2 years of valuable experience out of the window, jeopardizing plenty of things that are near and dear to myself and my family.

I'm really at an impasse. I want to stick it out and make this work. I want to be able to give respect and be respected. But that's a two way street. And in the world of human resources, we are no longer considered employees. We're now "human capital".

It's disgusting.

Monday, February 20, 2006

I really think that a lot of people have stopped caring about the war in Iraq. Well, maybe it's not that they stopped caring. There's been a shift of attention from US Foreign policy to issues that are more domestic. It's weird, because I've noticed a shift in my interest in the last 5 years. Right after 9/11, most of us were swelling with patriotism. You couldn't drive a mile on the freeway without seeing an American flag waving on somebody's car. Hell, even my parents were so moved that they threw a bumper sticker on the back of their mini-van to show their support. That's how I knew something was kind of off.

But these days, the makeshift patriots that came out of the woodwork right after 9/11 don't seem to be around anymore. And interestingly enough, I think everybody's discontent with George W. Bush is the root of all this. I mean, on one hand it's hard to believe that he's as dumb as Jon Stewart and Bill Maher make him out to be. He's obviously an intelligent guy at some level to put himself in the position he's in. You won't hear me dropping "Fuck Bush" all day like it's hot.

But on the other hand, you can see the obvious signs of incompetence. From Katrina, to the numerous intelligence breakdowns, to the appointment of unqualified cronies, to being straight silly looking at sometimes, it's just really hard to trust this guy with damn near anything. I mean, would you let George W. Bush watch your child? Probably not. I wouldn't even let him watch my dog. If I had a dog. I'm not really a dog person. I grew up with cats. But now I'm allergic to cat dander. But that's neither here nor there. I wonder where the saying "neither here nor there" orginated from.

Do you know how to spell "digress"?

Anyway, I'm approaching this from a layman's perspective. I'm not really into politics, nor do claim to have any more insight into politics than any other person. But something is obviously wrong now. We have a ton of troops somewhere far away and they're begining to fade from our minds. When was the last time you flinched hearing that more troops were killed in the war? Our focus has become more domestic. But don't get it twisted. It's definitely a good thing. We really need to fix things here before we can worry about fixing things else where. Unfortunately Dubya missed that meeting and it's too late to turn back.

Now we just have to ride this out until we can focus all our attention on fixing our many glaring domestic issues. Unfortunately, the ETA on something like that is still undetermined. Until then, it is our job to stay focused on what is important. How we'll do that is up to us. We definitely won't get any help from this current administration. We'll probably just hear more about how homeland security has twarted another attack or how much closer we are to getting out of Iraq.

Tuesday, January 31, 2006

Monday, January 30, 2006

So I'm making the rounds on the Internet this morning...



I don't even know if I have words for all this. Forget it.

Sunday, January 22, 2006

One of the things that for the most part goes unmentioned about the holiday season is how for about a 2 week span, you start running into people you haven't seen in ages.

I have mixed feelings about this phenomenon.

It's pretty noticable living in the town where I grew up. Being on the edge of what his considered the San Francisco Bay Area, Vallejo is close enough to Oakland/San Francisco to be a highly desired residential area, yet far enough to cost merely an arm to live here(as opposed to the arm, leg, and first born son people are paying to live closer), so there is a lot of population retention. The kids move on with their lives but there their parents stick around. Holiday season is pretty much the season when all the youngin' come back to the nest.

It's cool running into people sometimes, because the surprise and happiness is genuine. You're really happy to see them and they're really happy to see you. It feels good. You give them a hug or you firmly shake their hand. You look them directly in their eyes so you can sense your genuine happiness and you and see theirs. You stand there for a while catching up, and when you finally walk away, a faint sense of nostalgia overcomes you. It's awesome.

But then there are other times when you run into people you really didn't mind not seeing for the last few years. Your face is like "Oh wow! I haven't seen you in ages! What's goin' on with you?" Your mind is like, "Fuck this guy. He hasn't made an effort to say shit to me for the last 7 years and now he's blowing sunshine up my asshole because it makes him feel benevolent during the holidays. Fuck this guy."

I've had a couple of those, too. It's weird, though how quickly we hop back into our normal lives after the holidays. But it is, afterall, time to catch up on the debt we were set back with buying all those presents for other people, plus the present you treated yourself to for being so generous. Tax time is coming soon, and I bet some people have already alotted the money they might get at tax time.

I know I have.




Oh, and just a word of advice. If you're on Limewire (Or any Gnutella P2P for that matter)and get the urge to download the Colin Farrel Sex Tape, don't. It's not the Colin Farrel Sex Tape.

It's, umm, something else.