Saturday, July 18, 2009

I'm not sure how I feel about weddings.

Sometimes I feel like it's not worth the effort, ya know?

Not the act of getting married.

That's fine.

People should get married.

But the whole circus that comes along with putting up a big wedding.

I really feel like a lot of the stress this process causes is not worth it.

I thought about it for a while.

I used to really wish I could have given my wife a huge wedding.

I want to make her feel special, ya know?

I want her to know that everything I do is for her and our family.

But it's really weird that we go through this whole process to get to an end that can be accomplished with relatively less stress, less effort, and less pointlessness.

You can celebrate pretty well without dropping 20 G's.

But whatever. It each their own.

I get it. I understand.

I love my cousin, man.

That dude.

He hooked me up.

He introduced me to baseball.

He shaped a lot what I thought was important way back in the day.

Congrats, Gerard. And thank you.

Thank you for bringing me back into your life.

I definitely appreciate the role you've played in my life.

You are the older brother I never had.

You are the reason why I even had an interest in baseball.

You got me buying baseball and football cards from the corner store.

You got me running to your house to make sure I could catch the Tyson fight before he decided to knock some motherfucker out.

And now we find our paths crossing again.

We haven't missed a beat.

Congrats, brother. Godspeed.

Whatever the fuck that means.

Thursday, March 26, 2009

Baseball season is only a few weeks away and the days are just as long as the nights and getting even longer.

I was finding myself stressing over many things that are outside of my control. It's something that I have always done, but not to the point where I felt it was going to affect my health.

It's become pretty clear that even including my drinking problem, my lack of sleep, and my horrible diet, stress stands out as the my main health concern.

I've really been trying to let go of all of it. There's really no point in dwelling on what you cannot control. But it's truly difficult to break old habits.

Thursday, May 29, 2008

With the Lakers ready to put away the San Antonio Spurs, the reigning NBA champions, Kobe Bryant is on the doorstep of solidifying his status as one of the three or 4 greatest basketball players of all time.

Kobe is finally winning without Shaq, a monkey on Kobe's back that has allowed skeptics to always say, "He hasn't won shit without The Diesel." Which is true. He still hasn't won a damn thing without The Big Man to play off of.

And I'll admit it. I really dislike Kobe. I use dislike because hate is too strong a word. I don't really hate anybody but Osama Bin Laden, Hitler, and my 8th grade science teacher. But to me he's confident to a fault. His swagger is more Sherminator than it is Shaft. His mannerisms seem forced, contrived, and pre-conceived. There's something constructed and inauthentic about him that just gets under my skin.

Add the legions of Laker fans to the mix? Well, you get the picture.

But yeah. He's really about to turn me around. I respect Kobe for his basketball skill. He is undeniably the premiere NBA player in the league today. He's unstoppable.

I also find it pretty ironic that this season turned out to be his first MVP season, considering this is easily the strongest team Los Angeles has fielded since the departure of Shaq to Miami.

Congrats, Kobe. I can't really hate anymore. But I will continue to dislike you.

Sunday, January 27, 2008

Sometimes you have to get lost in order to truly appreciate home.

It's official. I'm staying put until I get kicked out.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Suicide has crossed my mind.

Sometimes I scare myself.

But I have too much to fight for.

Would it fix anything?

Probably not.

But least you wouldn't have to wonder.

I just want it to stop.

I'm tired of the insecurity.

I'm tired from the pain.

I'm weary.

I probably couldn't kill myself anyway.

This is probably a cry for attention.

But this isn't about me.

It's about you.

And I can't control that.

It's not your fault.

It's mine.

And I wish I could take control.

But there's no way I could possibly do that.

Except suicide.

I woudln't do it.

But it's crossed my mind.

And I'm scared.

Not because I might kill myself.

But because I don't know if you'll ever come back.

And if you don't?

I couldn't commit suicide.

Because I'd simply lose any reason to live.

And I'd already be dead.

Sunday, January 20, 2008

Regardless of what happens between your mom and I, I wanted to let you know that you saved my life.

You are the reason why I was able to get up everyday and do what I had to do. You allowed me to focus my energy into something that was a continuous project way into the future rather than the short-lived "now". You. Because back then, that's all I was about. The moment. I had no vision into the future. I didn't know where I would be a month into the future. I didn't care.

But then you came along and changed all that.

You are very special. I push you so hard because I know you can be something special to many people. I feel as if there is so much I want to prepare you for because I want you to reach your full potential. Then I remember to step back and let you be a kid. So I do.

And that's why I'm writing this. I can't tell you this right now, because you wouldn't understand. But regardless of what happens between your mom and I, I want you to know that we both love you and your sister very much. It was and will never be your fault that you mom and I fight, or yell, or cry. You will always be the reason why we worked. You'll be the reason why we tried so hard to make it work. You'll be the reason why we finally grew up and realized what it takes to be adults. We would do anything for you. Anything.

You're the reason why we know love.

Friday, July 20, 2007

You know what i really don't like?

When strippers spank themselves. Like, in the whole realm of fantasy where I'm getting off on a girl grinding against me (and this is a girl that really just wants my moneyand has no interest in me whatsoever otherwise), I'm not really believing that somehow a self-spanking is hot or remotely erotic.

It's kind of like watching pornos with girls sucking on dildos, acting like it's getting them off.

I'm thinking, "Fuck, I mean this is fake and all...but that shit is HELLA unrealistic..."